Mint to be
by FlorGon
Summary: *Complete* Japril story after 14x24. April isn't happy and needs to take a decision about her life. Will this get her closer to Jackson? Is he really moving forward?
1. Chapter 1 The way out

**Ch. 1 – The way out**

" _The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."_

― _Elisabeth Kübler-Ross_

A week had passed since April's wedding and there was something bothering her. Her mind was restless.

She was alone at home with Ruby. Harriet was with Jackson and Matthew was working. Someone rang the bell. April opened the door and there was the best surprise she could had wished for. She didn't know she was coming but she couldn't be happier, she was really needing a friendly face.

"What a nice surprise! What are you doing here?" April asked.

They hugged for a while. They had missed each other.

"I wanted to pay a visit to my daughter and my granddaughter. Where is Harriet?" Karen asked.

"She is with her dad. How are you? What about dad, my sisters? Tell me everything. I have missed you."

"We're perfectly fine. We hadn't kept anything from you, not like someone who get us worried all the time."

"That's not fair. It's very hard for me being away from you and I know it must be harder for you. I just didn't want to worry you."

"Honey! You're a mother, you should know better by now. Oh my! You must be Ruby!"

And she held her in her arms.

"You should see her with Harriet. They love each other," April said.

"That's great! I'm happy they can have a healthy siblings relationship."

Of course, she said that because of the fighting between her daughters but April was laughing inside thinking in what her mother would say if she knew about Jackson and Maggie.

April took the chance to take a bath while her mother was home.

Karen was worried about her daughter and so were the rest of the family. They sent her to check on April. They were worried since they heard of the wedding and the fact that April had left her job. The job that meant the world for her. And after they received a call asking for them to come, they knew they had to do something about April.

While April was at the bath, Jackson came to bring Harriet. Karen opened the door and Harriet couldn't believe her granny was there. She jumped into her arms. Jackson couldn't believe it either but he wasn't as happy.

"Come in, baby! Ruby is waiting for you," Karen said.

"Hi, Karen," Jackson said.

"Hi, Jackson. For a moment, I thought you were mute. That must be your sister in the car. Say hello from me."

"I will. I didn't know you were coming. Is everything ok?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me? I have only treated you like a son and you can't even give me a call and tell me what's going on with my daughter. I thought you would take care of her, no matter what. I'm really disappointed. I thought I could trust her to you. But please don't worry, I'll take care of them."

And she closed the door at his face.

At the car, Maggie asked Jackson what happened. He was clueless and didn't know what to answer.

"That was Karen, April's mom. She says hi," Jackson told Maggie.

"She doesn't seem nice," Maggie said.

"She's just angry, she lives far away and feels left behind. She's just worried but she is the nicest person ever."

"That's great. I guessed you couldn't talk with April. When are you going to tell her?"

"Next time, when I have the chance."

...

Back to April´s house, Karen had put the girls to sleep. They were finally alone. They were sitting in the couch and Karen asked her what was happening.

"Honey, what's wrong? Are you happy?" Karen asked.

And April broke into tears while hugging her mom. It was good for her to let all that anguish out. She needed it. After crying for a while, she was ready to speak with her mom.

"I'm not happy at all. I know I have everything I ever wanted and I hate myself for it. I'm the ugliest person ever. What else could I want? How can it not be enough? I should be the happiest person in the world," April said.

"Please, don't be so harsh! You know you should never feel ashamed of your feelings. You don't have to be happy. You just feel what you feel and don't you judge yourself. We were worried about you. You left your job and you married Matthew out of the blue. So many changes in your life in so little time. It didn't feel like you."

"So that's why you came? You knew something was wrong."

"Honestly, I can't understand that it has come up to this point. How didn't anyone call us before? We will always be there for you, please feel free to worry us. You don't have to go through this alone. We're family, remember? We love you no matter what."

"I love you too. Thank you for being here."

"What do you need? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"You being here, listening to me and telling me that everything is ok is everything I need."

"I'm listening, so you can tell me anything. Whatever you decide to do, I'm here."

"Matthew's going to come home and he shouldn't see me crying."

"Why? He's your husband. He's your friend. Why can't you talk to him? What don't you want him to know? That you're sad? That you cry? That you regret marrying him? What are you afraid of telling him?"

"I don't want to hurt him anymore. I can't do this to him again. He doesn't deserve this."

"Of course, he doesn't, but that doesn't change the truth, honey. This is what he's getting even if he deserves better. This is his life, too. If you don't talk to him, he won't know how to help you. You need to speak to him, because he's your husband and he lives here with you and even if you're trying to hide the truth from him, he can see trough you. You can't pretend to be happy all the time. He noticed it. He knows you cry. He called us after he tried to speak with you but you would only tell him that everything was fine."

And that hurt April. She was trying to protect Matthew but there was no way to do it. The only thing she could do for anyone was doing her best to be happy herself. She needed to put herself first again. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was a start.


	2. Chapter 2 The talk

**Ch. 2 – The talk**

" _You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you."_

― _Joseph Campbell_

April was waiting for Matthew to get home to have a real conversation with him. After talking with her mother, she felt like a burden was taken off her shoulders. It was the first time in a long time that she was sure what she had to do. Her mind was clear and even if nothing seemed right and there were many things to be done, she felt a lot better than before.

When Matthew came home she gave him the most loving huge she could.

"Thank you for calling my mother," April told Matthew.

She was going to tell him she loved him, but it didn't feel like the right time to do so.

"We need to talk," she said.

"Yes, we need to talk."

They sat on the couch. April knew what she had to do, yet that didn't make it any easier. There was a long silence. Matthew was giving April all the time she needed to tell him what she needed to tell.

"I'm so so sorry. I'm not on the best place right now, and I haven't been on a long time. And that's no excuse, I should have known better, I shouldn't have make this big decision when I was so broken inside. It wasn't fair to you. I don't know how to say or show you how sorry I am. If you want me to stay away from you forever, I would understand."

Matthew cleaned April's tears. This woman who had gone through so much pain and was one of the strongest persons Matthew knew or even the strongest one, was crying so much lately.

April stared at Mathew who was being so caring with her even when she thought she didn't deserve it. How easy everything could be if she had actually fallen in love with him, she thought.

"Don't be this kind. It actually makes me hate myself more. Ok. That was mean. I'm sorry, just because I'm an awful person it doesn't mean everyone has to be like me," April said.

"You're not awful. Even when you are sad and broken, you try to make everyone feel good. You're a good person, April. You just had put yourself second for a long time when the true is you can't take care of anyone if you don't put yourself first. As people in the business of saving lives, it's something we actually know. And maybe it's easier to be done when your treating patients, but when it comes to people we actually love, it gets blurrier. You need to save yourself first, if you want to continue saving lives. If you care about all the people you love, you need to love yourself first. If not, it is like an empty gesture. You can't give away anything you're not full of. So, if you want to show me how sorry you are, you need to fix the cause of the wrong you did, you need to fix yourself first, you need to love yourself first, you need to put yourself first."

April hugged Matthew and Matthew hugged her back. April felt Matthew's warmth could fill the entire room they were in, he really has grown so much since the first time she met him.

"You deserve all the love in the world," April said.

"Just as you do. What are you gonna do now?"

"I'm going to talk to Jackson to tell him I want to go back to Ohio for a week or two. I need to take some time away, to be filled with love, to breathe fresh air, to face some breathtaking nature landscape and maybe to take some counseling. I'm so grateful to have you here. I don't even know how I dare to ask you but, would you come with me?"

"Of course. I'll always be there when you need me. You should consider we take care of the divorce paper before we go though, if you are up to it. Think about it and tomorrow we can do as you please. It's late now, let's get some sleep."

April helped Matthew arrange the couch to sleep. Her mom was already sleeping in their bed. She kissed the girls goodnight and went to bed. She didn't have a good time sleeping. She kept thinking about everything that had happened. "Who would have thought that last night was the last time we would share the same bed? If Jackson's lawyer thought we had one of the simplest divorce he had seen, what would he say about this?" Questions like these kept appearing in her mind. And of course she was also thinking in the conversation she was to have the next morning with Jackson. Being honest with her mom and with Matthew had gone so much better that she actually thought. It had been a long time since the last time she felt life wasn't as difficult as she had thought it would actually be. Maybe she could have a little faith, maybe the conversation with Jackson could be as comforting as the one she had with her mom and Matthew. Maybe the future could be a little brighter.


	3. Chapter 3 Regrets

**Ch. 3 – Regrets**

 _"Regrets are illuminations come too late."_

― _Joseph Campbell_

Jackson was having a shitty day at work. But it was only because that was his mood. He was having lunch at the hospital with Maggie talking about that thing he didn't want to call their wedding. So somewhere in their conversation, he got lost in his thoughts. Nothing felt right to him. And he didn't know how to go back to the last time something in his life had actually felt right. He knew he lost April. He regretted divorcing her, letting her move out, not standing up at her wedding. But even if he was with her, what could he have offered her when he was being that miserable?

He came back to his senses when his phone started ringing.

"We're talking now, do you have to take it?" Maggie asked.

It was a call from April, of course he would take it. April told him she needed some time off because she has been depressed. The way her voice changed when saying that word made Jackson wanna run to her side. He understood exactly why Karen was so angry at him. He had failed her daughter even one more time and the hole he felt in his chest felt even bigger.

"The way I'm now, it doesn't make it easy for Matthew and me. It bothers me, not being able to admit exactly how long I have been this way, because I didn't want to acknowledge it. And now, even if it's too late, I feel like I need to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry our marriage failed. I'm sorry I thought you didn't fight harder enough for us. I'm sorry I've mostly blamed you for it, all this time. How could I ever thought that our marriage could be fixed without trying to fix me first? It's not that I'm taking all the blame, I just want you to know that I'm acknowledging my part and I want you to know I'm sorry I didn't do it before. Seeing how I'm about to be a second time divorcee, I've to face the fact that every problem I called my own had a thing in common: ME," said April.

And the last sentence kept repeating in Jackson's mind, because it applied for everyone. All Jackson's problems had him as the common denominator.

"I've neither told you I'm sorry which I am, by the way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't fight enough, I'm sorry I blamed you, I'm sorry I was broken too and I couldn't fix myself. I'm sorry I've been a lousy friend and didn't even realized you were in pain. I don't wanna lose my person. Please, tell me how can I help you," Jackson said.

And she asked if she could have Harriet the entire week because she was going to Ohio with Matthew. And that hurt him a little or it hurt him big time. She was trying to fix her marriage like she had done once with theirs.

"Of course you can have Harriet, and if you need to stay there for more than a week, just tell me. Anything you need, I'd leave everything in a second to be there for you. You deserve nothing less. I know the two of you will get out of this stronger than ever. You two deserve happiness. And if he doesn't follow you anywhere, you don't need him anyway. Remember you're not alone, not only because you can count on everyone that loves you. It happens to all of us. You can have everything in the world and still feel a hole inside. Sometimes faith isn't enough. Because it's only inside that you can find what you're looking for outside. But April, every time something broke you, you came out of it stronger, wiser, kinder. I have seen you do it more than once. Even now that you may feel that you're on your weakest point, you're strong enough to face those feelings, to admit them and to try to fight them. Most of the time, I can't even name what I'm feeling. So my bet will always be on you. I believe in you," Jackson said.

"You know, I was scared of being judge because of how I was feeling. But neither mom, Matthew or you had judged me. I'm really thankful to have you in my life. Believe in yourself as much as you believe in me. You can name it, admit it, and say it out loud. I've also seen you do it before. Don't worry about everyone else. I've always believed in you. Mark believed in you. And I know Maggie does too."

She had no idea. Jackson felt relieved being able to talk to some extend about what he was feeling. If he could just go a little bit deeper. But the deeper, the scarier.

If April was fighting for her happiness even when she was scared, he could do it too. When he hung up, Maggie wasn't there anymore. He hadn't had noticed when she left. He needed to figure out what to do next, because somewhere deep he knew he was already hurting her.


	4. Chapter 4 Everything changes

**Ch. 4 – Everything changes**

" _There is perhaps nothing worse than reaching the top of the ladder and discovering that you're on the wrong wall."_

― _Joseph Campbell_

Why did she let it get to this point? She had never done such a thing. She had always ended it before she could actually get hurt. And now she was letting an idiot who couldn't even name his feelings, ruin her day. This was supposed to be the happiest time of her life. One minute she was trying to plan her wedding, and the other she was thinking she needed to end it. Could this day get any worse? She left him alone talking on the phone, and went to check on her patients. Her job was her safe space, where she always knew what to do. The place that had become her home.

"I was looking for you."

It was Richard.

"Is it urgent? I'm busy right now," Maggie said.

She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"It isn't, but maybe I can walk with you for a moment. I'm not busy."

"Ok."

They started walking together, Richard following Maggie.

"I quitted," said Richard.

Maggie stopped walking.

"What did you quit?"

"My job, Maggie."

"Is this a joke? Why would you do that? I thought this job mean everything to you."

"I know, but it shouldn't be. I have been thinking about this since Edwards quitted. Someday I should quit it and the best thing I could do is to quit while I'm still good at it. I don't want to be greedy and hurt people. I was lucky to get here. I shouldn't push it. There's still a lot I can learn and teach. She said I changed her life, but in fact she changed mine. It took me a while, but finally Stephanie's message reached me and maybe my message could reach someone's heart sometime. There are things more important than your job, even when you love it."

"What else could it be?"

She would be lost without her job. She didn't understand how Stephanie and April did it.

"My life and I want to explore it while I'm still breathing," Richard said.

"What? What are you gonna do now? Are you going to travel like Edwards?"

"In fact, I am. I'm walking the camino de Santiago."

Maggie laughed but Richard was serious.

"You are serious? You can't do this. Does Catherine know?" Maggie asked.

"She does and she supports my decision."

Maggie was getting really angry and she didn't quite understand why.

"You're busy. I'm leaving you this for you to open it when you think the time is right, ok?"

And Richard gave her an envelope. He kissed her forehead and left without giving her time to shout or cry. When Miranda approached her she remembered what she had to do. Miranda asked her about the patient she was going to see.

"Dr. Pierce, I was looking for you. Alma Diaz is your patient?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, I'm going to check on her right now. Why are you asking?"

The guy that was following Miranda answered for her.

"Alma Diaz is missing," he said.

"She can't be missing, we would be on lock out if a patient was missing. And who are you anyways?"

"Agent Parker, FBI."

They were already in the room where Alma was supposed to be. Maggie's mind went blank. What the hell was going on?

"She's missing," Maggie said.

"Yes, we told you so," Parker said.

"How could this happened? Why is the hospital not on lock out? We need to find her," Maggie said.

Miranda then explained it to her.

"She's not missing from the hospital. She was discharged. Her step-father took her once they had left. She's not here anymore. Agent Parker just want to question the staff that was in contact with them."

"That can't be. I hadn't discharged her."

"I know. Dr. Altman did," Miranda said.

Maggie was getting angrier and angrier by the second.

"I want to ask you a few questions if that's ok," Parker said.

And Maggie answered all of his questions while thinking is this girl who reminded her of herself. She was adopted and so smart, having gone through so much by this age. That girl didn't deserve this and even less from the people that were supposed to be her safe space.

After she had answered all the questions, she went to find Dr. Altman. How could she think it was her place to discharge her patient? She found her crying in Owen's arms. There was no point on taking her anger at her. She was already hurting as she was. At least Maggie didn't have to feel guilty about discharging her. Nevertheless, it was frustrating and she was so infuriated. She needed to talk to someone and Jackson came into her mind. She needed to call off their wedding. The wedding wasn't going to make right everything that felt so wrong. Her life felt like a big mess. She searched for him everywhere but she couldn't find him. Until it finally hit her, he must have been in the chapel. Now that he found God, he spent a lot of time there. She didn't find him there but she sat there as if she was waiting for an answer. Knowing how Jackson started believing and even though she didn't believe there was anything miraculous about April's surviving that day, she did it. Just like Jackson prayed for April, she prayed for Alma to be safe. When she left the chapel, she received a message on her phone. It was Jackson's. It said that he was taking some time off and that he wasn't expecting her to wait for him. This had been a shit of a day and she already wanted it to end. Not sure if angry or sad tears, but she was about to cry. She opened the door to a supply closet thinking about crying alone. When she did, she found Meredith and Andrew kissing inside. They didn't see her. She closed the door knowing she was as sad as she could be. She went to change her clothes and pick all her things. It was funny how a moment ago she didn't understand how everyone else could leave this place and now she was the one leaving.

She knocked on Miranda's office. Miranda opened the door and Maggie finally got to say it while giving her the envelope.

"I quit," Maggie said.


	5. Chapter 5 Coincidences

**Ch. 5 – Coincidences**

" _Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from."_

― _Elisabeth Kübler-Ross_

After talking with April over the phone, Jackson was clueless on what to do next. He hated that she was on pain. He just wanted to be there for her. Was there a place for him next to her? Should he follow his heart? Or maybe if he followed it, it would be troublesome for her… His heart and his head were a mess. How could he be thinking about marrying Maggie? Somehow he felt like life was laughing at him. But that was the easy way to see it. The true fact was that he knew everything was his fault. He kept making mistake after mistake and it got to a point where he didn't know how to make it right.

If you had asked him when it started, he would answer that it started with April asking him if he really wanted to divorce. He didn't get to reply. If he had answered honestly, he should have said that he didn't know. He was unhappy but divorcing April didn't make him happy either. It's funny how he couldn't be happy with her but being away from her made him even more miserable. April wasn't to blame for his unhappiness. And Maggie wasn't either the one he should blame for it.

Maggie deserved better. April deserved better. Maybe even he deserved better. He just wished someone would tell him what he was supposed to do, what was the right thing to do. Should he marry Maggie? Should he leave Maggie? What action wouldn't he regret?

He went to the chapel at the hospital with all this doubts bothering him. He sat there in silence and for a moment, everything was peaceful in his life, even his mind.

When he left the chapel, he found Richard, who was looking for him to tell him the news. When Jackson heard, he worried about his mother.

"Does Catherine know you're doing this? Are you leaving her?" Jackson asked.

And when he asked that out loud of course he thought about the fact that he wanted to leave Maggie and now Maggie's dad was leaving her for what she obviously would see as a second time. He was that awful, thinking about him when he should be thinking about the people he was supposed to love.

"I'm not leaving your mother. She knows and she supports me."

"What about Maggie?"

"What about her?"

"She's your daughter, does she know? What does she think?"

"I don't think she agrees. But I'm doing it anyways. I'm doing it for me. Sometimes like Edwards reminded me, you need to save yourself first."

And that sentence kept repeating in Jackson's mind, because he certainly was interested in saving himself. If only he knew how to do it.

"I didn't come here for your approval either. I just wanted to say goodbye and to let you know that I invited Maggie. I know she probably won't come. She wouldn't leave you. But I wanted you to know it from me, I gave her a plane ticket. I'd love to do this with her, after all, as you have said, she is my daughter."

"Thanks for letting me know. I think it would be great for you two to spend time together away from this hospital. I hope you get to do it."

And he certainly did hope that they could fix their relationship. Maggie was lucky. Her dad at least was trying. And he really wanted for them to work it out. It has being a long time since the last time had thought about Robert.

Maggie's shift must have ended and he wanted to talk to her. It was odd that Maggie hadn't told him that Richard had invited her to Europe. It could be great for Jackson too, if she decided to go. He could use some time away from her. He didn't feel good about himself, having all this thoughts. And neither did he feel proud when he sent her a message, letting her know he wanted some time off. Maybe it was what everyone needed, that way she didn't have to think about him when deciding what to do with that plane ticket. Although it didn't make him feel good, he actually felt relieved when he sent it. He was letting Maggie know that he didn't exactly knew what they were doing and that he needed to sort it out. And it was a start, no matter the consequences.

After he checked on an E.R. patient, while walking on a hallway, for a moment he thought he saw Robert with Miranda. His mind must have been playing games with him. Nevertheless, he decided to check on it, just in case.

He tried to follow them, but he didn't find them. He must have been crazy. Maggie had read his message but she didn't bother to reply. She must had been really angry at him, and with good reasons. They were planning a wedding after all. If he was to leave her, it was better now than at their wedding, he thought. And of course, he couldn't help thinking about the other wedding he stopped. And how he gave up in the last one.

Jackson reached Miranda's office and knocked on her door. The moment she opened and let him in, he knew she wasn't in a good mood.

"Jackson Avery you're not quitting today, do you hear me?" Miranda said.


	6. Chapter 6 Gone astray

**Ch. 6 – Gone astray**

" _To reach something good, it is useful to have gone astray."_

― _St. Teresa of Avila_

After Matthew's shift was over, he went to pick up Ruby at his mother's house. He was going to the airport when he saw a car parked on the highway shoulder with the hazard lights on. He pulled over to help, a habit that followed him off duty.

He approached the vehicle and found Maggie inside, crying.

"How can I help?" he asked.

Maggie looked at him and couldn't believe it.

"Matthew? What are you doing here?"

"I was going to the airport when I saw the car and pulled off"

Maggie got out of the car and hugged him.

"You are a life saver. I was going to the airport. Could you give me a ride?"

"Of course. I'm here to help. Remember?"

Maggie took her backpack from the car.

"That's all you're taking?"

"It's everything I need."

And they walked to Matthew's car.

"You are with Ruby? Can I sit on the back with her?"

"Yes. Thank you. That would be great!"

They got in the car, Matthew in the driver's seat and Maggie next to Ruby.

"Hi, Ruby!" Maggie said. "Your dad is back, don't be sad!"

Maggie started playing with Ruby, making faces and hiding her face behind her hands, while Matthew was driving.

"What are you going to the airport for? Suddenly, I feel like a taxi driver," Matthew said.

"I'm going to Europe with Richard. He gave me the ticket without asking me first. So it's kind of a surprise."

"Oh! I didn't know you two were getting so well. That's great! Are you going for the weekend?"

"No, it's actually a one way ticket. I'm guessing that we'll be away for at least a month."

"What about your luggage?" Matthew was starting to think that he would have to go back for it and lose his flight.

"I have everything I need in the backpack. Don't worry, I'm not forgetting anything."

"You travel light. How do you do it?"

"It's easy. You just should try not to get too attached to anything or anyone and try to be always ready to leave so you can actually start anew before something or someone gets to hurt you."

Matthew was speechless.

"That doesn't sound easy," Matthew said.

"Well. You know what they say. Practice makes a master. And I have being practicing all my life. To me, flying away before getting hurt is as easy as it is for you to trust people no matter how much she had hurt you."

"That was mean. It's incredible how news fly these days."

"That was awful. I'm sorry. We're not even friends and I'm being a bitch while you're being extra kind... Why did you say news fly these days?"

Matthew looked at Maggie through the rearview mirror. Did she really not know?

"Nothing."

"Are you lying now? Somehow, that makes me feel better. For a moment I thought you could actually be flawless."

Matthew laughed.

"I'm human, you see. I'm sorry I lied. It's just that it's too recent to share. I thought you may knew for what you said about me."

"The part about trusting so easily in people? Where you a victim of a con man?"

"No. The part about trusting in people that hurt me. Why did you said that?"

"I just envy your ability to give your heart without fearing it may end broken. I was being critic about myself. I would have run away and never looked back. As I said, I'm an expert in that area. I'd never have proposed to a person that once left me at the altar. I've always play it safe. In a way, I suppose we both have the love life we deserve."

"No lies detected," Matthew said and he laughed again.

"Matthew Taylor laughing at my love life. This day is definitely not going as expected."

"Believe me. I'm not laughing at your love life. I'm laughing at mine."

"I'm not buying that. You just don't want me to feel bad. You have it all. The perfect wife. The perfect love story. There's nothing more romantic than you getting April after everything that you two went through. It's better than fiction. You are married and living happily ever after. The end. Nothing funny about it."

Matthew got really serious.

"In fact, it is really funny. I'm the one that is apologizing when it's actually you the one that keeps twisting the knife in the wound. There's no happily ever after. I may not be flawless but I'm not lying to you. Why would I?"

"I didn't mean to twist the knife in the wound. I haven't realized there was a wound. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. You didn't know."

"Yes, exactly. I still don't know what the fuck are you talking about. Sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. My bad. You didn't hear anything, right Ruby?" Maggie said.

"We signed the divorce papers today. Now you know."

Maggie heard it, but didn't understand what could Matthew mean by that.

"Who sign what?"

"Me and April signed the divorce papers."

"That makes no sense. Why would you say that?"

"Because it happened."

"You married less than a month ago. With April Kepner. Have you lost your mind? Did you hurt your head? What's your dad saying Ruby?"

"I didn't hurt my head. I'm telling you what happened. April doesn't love me that way."

For a moment, Maggie was speechless, and then she started laughing.

"Oh my God! I can't stop. This is hilarious. I might have lost my mind. It's on my genes, you know?" she said as she continued laughing.

Matthew began to lose his patience.

"Are you laughing at me now?" Matthew asked.

"I am. But are you laughing at me?"

And Matthew couldn't help laughing. This car ride could not be anything but a joke. Ruby didn't understand a thing, but she was laughing too. She was just so cute.

When they stopped laughing, Maggie apologized for what she was going to do next. She picked her phone.

"Jackson, I don't know if you already know but listen carefully. April and Matthew are divorced. I repeat. April and Matthew are divorced. Maybe you can listen to this audio over and over again until you can finally figure out how this makes you feel. It's easier than you think. Good luck!" she said and put her phone back in her backpack.

"I had to do it. Sorry, I'm not making your day any better. Would it make you feel any better to know that to me this was also the worst day ever?" Maggie asked while she kept playing with Ruby.

Matthew couldn't forget the fact that she was crying when he found her.

"You fought with Jackson. Is that why you were crying in the car?"

"It was a sum of things, I believe. Hit after hit, you know? I didn't care that much when I heard the man I'm dating telling the mother of his child that most of the time he doesn't even know how he is feeling. But it hit me when Richard came right after that to tell me he had quitted his job and he was leaving because there are things more important than his job and he needs to explore his life while he's actually breathing, you know? It hit me because I couldn't put in words how I was feeling about that. Life was laughing back at me for earlier. And without having any time to figure it out, he left me once again. Then, as it wasn't enough, Miranda and a FBI agent told me my thirteen years old patient who was discharged by some other surgeon, was missing. I was literally going to see her to tell her everything was fine and she was going to have a life full of possibilities ahead of her."

"That's awful, Maggie. I hope they find her."

"I know. I prayed for that to happen. Richard was right once again, there are things far more important than your job. Because one second you're here and the next you disappear, just like that, without notice. You see, hit after hit, without giving me a break. Then it was Jackson's message saying he needed some time off and that I shouldn't wait for him. It hurt me. It shouldn't have hurt me. I told you I used to fly before it could hurt. And it hurt me even more when I saw my sister kissing Andrew, my ex. Even if it was late, I also needed time off, so I quitted my job. I opened Richard's envelope, I picked my things, said goodbye to my nephews and went to the airport. I wanted to left everything behind, but when the car broke down, all I could do was cry."

"And then I found you."

"And then you found me… I didn't ask you before. Why are you going to the airport?"

Before Matthew could answer, the car started making funny noises and he pulled over. He couldn't make the car start again.

"I'm sorry, Maggie. I don't know what happened."

"I should be the one apologizing. It's probably just my luck."

Maggie took her phone from her backpack and got out of the car, while Matthew kept trying to make it start. After a few minutes, out of the blue, the car started. When Maggie didn't get in, Matthew got out but she was nowhere to be seen.


	7. Chapter 7 Just breathe

**Ch. 7 – Just breathe**

" _All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you."_

― _Joseph Campbell_

April was in the airport, waiting, sitting close to the boarding gate. Harriet was sleeping in her arms, like a little angel and Karen was sitting next to her. Matthew was coming with Ruby in his car. He didn't got to change his shift with so little notice. He had already told April that he had picked up Ruby at his mother's and that they were on their way.

April got lost in her thoughts. To anyone looking at her it could seem like she was staring into space, but actually she was staring at her bag, thinking in what was inside it.

Karen touched her shoulder and suddenly she was back to her senses.

"Leave Harriet with me. You should go, they need a doctor," said Karen pointing with her head to the airport employee in front of April.

April's face and attitude changed at the second. She forgot about herself and her problems, and left Harriet with Karen and started following the employee. It wasn't that she was running away from herself and her problems, it was the opposite. She had a way of finding herself by helping others. It made her be here and now. And that made her problems disappear, because problems could only exist in the future or in the past, on our imagination or on our memories; basically, they exist only on our minds.

It took them less than a minute to reach the patient. It wasn't at all what she expected. She expected the patient to be a passenger, an outsider, just like her. But it was another employee from the airport. She was inside an office and there was a woman who seemed to be having trouble breathing.

James, the employee that brought April there, started telling her what had happened, what Lydia, her coworker, was doing when she started having trouble breathing and what she had told him. All of this, while April was checking on her.

April placed a chair next to Lydia's and sat. She recognized all of her symptoms. She took her hand and in her sweetest voice, she told her, "You are having a panic attack. I'm a doctor. I know how you must be feeling but I can assure you, it's gonna pass."

Lydia looked into April's eyes and with tears in her eyes, she told her, "I can't breathe."

James then asked April to help her.

"James, right?" April asked while looking at his name badge. "Lydia is having a panic attack, if you can't be calm, please leave."

"I'll be just out the door, if you need me," he said and left the room.

"Lydia, dear, you need to let everything out to make place for new things. I know you think you can't breathe in and how scary it can be, but the thing is you need to breathe out first. I'm here breathing with you. I'm not leaving until you're fine. Just breathe with me. Out and in. Out and in," April told her.

April stayed there breathing with her, trying to help Lydia follow her lead, without caring about the time. Finally, Lydia told her, "Thank you, you were really sweet. I'm better now. I'm sorry James made you lost your time just for this."

"I'm glad he did. It's not just this. It's important and it's real. Don't minimize it. Asking for help, doesn't make you weak."

"That's what you have to say as a doctor but it doesn't make it easier."

"Don't make assumptions. It's as difficult for me, as it is for you. The oxygen in our lungs is a gift and it's up to us how we use it. It's our story. We create it. We can change it. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. Your body is already asking, trying to help you. The symptoms are not our enemies. They lead us to our diagnosis and only then, we can start to try to cure ourselves. If you don't want to hear me, hear your body. The only one that can save you, it's actually you."

April said goodbye and outside, she found James and let him in. Once it was over, she remember she had a flight to take and started running to her gate.

The entire flight was waiting for her. She rushed to her seat, a little bit ashamed even if she shouldn't be. Next to her, Harriet and Karen were sitting.

"Thank you for taking care of her," April told Karen.

The flight crew thanked her for her services and the plane started moving to take off.

April turned over, trying to see behind, between her seat and Harriet's. But she only found empty seats. Karen told her, as if she could read her mind, "They didn't make it on time."

"Where the hell were Matthew and Ruby?" April thought. And as soon as she did, she realized what was happening to her. She closed her eyes and tried to be as calm as she could. But her body was expressing itself. The irony of the situation. She really knew how Lydia was feeling back then. Exactly how she was feeling right now. And the person who just moments ago was saying how there was nothing to be ashamed about asking for help, was the person that right now was trying to cover herself, to keep it for herself, to be strong, not to ask for help but not to cry.

She felt how her legs weren't responding to her, not like she had anywhere to go while the plane was taking off. She felt how her lungs couldn't take fresh air as they weren't letting go of the air inside.

Karen was looking into the sky, through the windows.

"We are going to the sky, mommy," Harriet told her. The despair and anguish she was feeling didn't leave place for anything else, not even air.

She felt Harriet's hand on her belly and as it was magic, her diaphragm relaxed and she finally could breathe out. She opened her eyes and Harriet was staring at her. "Just breathe," she thought. Out and in. Out and in. After what seemed like an eternity, she was better. The panic attack was over. The airplane was flying steady and the lights that prohibited unfastening the seatbelt were off.

April asked the flight attendant for water. Once she had the glass of water in front of her, she took her bag and looked for her meds, the ones her psychiatrist had prescribed to her. She swallowed the pill trusting she was going to get better. Not because her faith was on the pill but because she trusted in herself. She trusted she would learn whatever she had to learn from this experience. She had to believe that even if in the moment it didn't seem so, eventually this would be a gift.


	8. Chapter 8 Pray

**Ch. 8 – Pray**

" _The first step to the knowledge of the wonder and mystery of life is the recognition of the monstrous nature of the earthly human realm as well as its glory, the realization that this is just how it is and that it cannot and will not be changed. Those who think they know how the universe could have been had they created it, without pain, without sorrow, without time, without death, are unfit for illumination."_

― _Joseph Campbell_

Maggie left the broken car, thinking about making a call. Richard deserved to know she wasn't gonna make it on time. She accidentally dropped her phone and when she bent to pick it up, the most unlikely thing happened. She was staring at the beads of a bracelet that were all over the ground. She looked at her bracelet to check on it. It was fine, with all the beans in place, like the day Alma gave it to her. Near her, she noticed some tire tracks that weren't from Matthew's car and that were going downhill. She save her phone on her back pocket and picked the beads. Four of them were alphabet beads. The word she form in her mind with the four letters, sent chills down her spine. Alma.

Without giving it a second thought, she started running downhill. She couldn't help thinking in April, partially submerged in a cold river while no one was looking for her, until Owen found her. "Please, let her be alive," she kept repeating in her mind, without exactly knowing to whom her prayers were addressed.

Not so far away she found a broken car. The car wasn't overturned. She approached the windows, but no one was inside. Where the hell was Alma? Was she imagining things? How long this car has been here? Many questions where popping up in her mind. She remembered she had the contact info in her phone. She decided that the broken car and the bracelet's beads were enough to call him. As soon as her hand reached her phone, she heard something near and her hand rapidly pressed the bottoms to trigger Emergency SOS.

"Did you check the trunk?"

Although she recognized Matthew's voice, she couldn't help it and her heart jumped out of her chest. She turned her body to face him. He was there carrying Ruby in her seat.

"You scared the hell out of me! I didn't check the trunk," she said and as soon as she did, she kind of felt like an idiot.

Matthew gave Ruby's seat to Maggie and he tried to open the trunk. She left Ruby's seat on the ground, as she was sleeping like an angel. She heard a noise and thought Matthew had done it, but the noise came from inside. Her heart started racing and her stomach was upset. Then, he finally opened the trunk.

"Alma," Maggie said astonished with tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath, as she felt as her soul had returned to her body.

Alma was tied and gagged, inside the trunk. She was conscious. She was alive. God had heard her prayer and that thought almost made her laugh, except it wasn't the place or time for that. So what was she supposed to do now? This random, unlikely situation was supposed to make her believe in Him?

She really wanted to tell Alma, "you're safe," but after everything that happened, she only dared to say, "Help is coming." Matthew looked startled. Maggie trusted that the Emergency SOS that she forgot to call off had reached its destination but, just in case, she was calling Agent Parker.

She looked at Matthew who was untying Alma as fast as he could and she could see that he wasn't as relieved as she was. While she was focusing on the "happy" news of finding Alma, she could see in his eyes that he was focusing on what led Alma to this situation, on the monster behind this. She didn't envy him. He was the father of a baby girl and, as a parent, he was supposed to make her feel safe. Right now, that task seemed impossible for anyone. Meanwhile the beautiful baby girl was sleeping oblivious to all this. In a way, being a parent sucked.

"Agent Parker speaking. Hello?" she heard on her phone before letting it fall. The look of Alma's face had frozen her. She turned to look exactly where she was looking, and there he was, the person whose photo Agent Parker had showed her, not so long ago. The monster behind this. And he was pointing a gun at them.

Maggie's body was preparing her to run or fight, but she wasn't moving at all. She could feel the adrenaline in her body. She was trembling. Although her heart was beating fast, every second seemed longer. The memory of April talking about meeting the shooter in the hospital came to her mind. "I've barely lived! No one's loved me yet! I'm someone's child!" Maggie thought but the words didn't come out of her mouth. How the hell could April talk? Her eyes were teary and she thought about Bill and Richard. Specially Richard who didn't get a chance to mend his relationship with her.

She could hear the sound of sirens in the distance. Why now and not earlier?

The man wasn't pointing the gun steady. And for a moment, Maggie's mind cleared and she looked at him through her surgeon's eyes. He was in a bad shape, he had dried blood on his head and he had little control over his body.

Ruby started crying in her seat placed on the ground and for a moment, although she didn't quite believe in Him, she found herself praying again. _Please, let them be safe. Please, just for a little longer._ The gun was pointing at her. _Please, make it fast._ She heard the gunshot and everything started moving too fast as she was reaching the ground.


	9. Chapter 9 Life and death

**Ch. 9 – Life and death**

" _There is no joy without hardship. If not for death, would we appreciate life? If not for hate, would we know the ultimate goal is love? At these moments you can either hold on to negativity and look for blame, or you can choose to heal and keep on loving."_

― _Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross_

Jackson and Miranda were at her office. Miranda seemed to be so tired. It was one of those days. Jackson could actually relate.

"I didn't know Maggie was following Richard's steps."

Jackson wasn't following Bailey's conversation.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Richard didn't tell you? He quitted."

"Yes, I know. He told me."

Bailey raised her eyebrow.

"I'm supposed to believe that Maggie didn't tell you?"

"Didn't tell me what?"

Bailey was getting angry and Jackson didn't understand what the hell was going on, but he was glad that there was a desk between them.

"You know I offered Dr. Altman my job due to my stress. Do you hate me or want to see me dead?" Bailey asked while standing from her chair.

How did she do it? She was so tiny, yet she was an expert in making others feel tinier than her.

"No, I don't want anyone to die. What I want is to know what I did to make you angry."

"God. You're clueless and that makes me angrier. Richard resigned and he was preparing me for that, but he's a big part of this hospital, and I'm not good with this kind of changes and certainly this one was supposed to be enough for a while. At least, for a while. Was it too much to ask?"

"I don't know. I don't know how much is too much to ask," Jackson answered.

"We're not having a philosophic conversation right now. Maggie resigned and looking at your face, I have to ask myself why you didn't know. What the hell did you do to her? Why didn't she tell you? Why did I lost Pierce with so a short notice?"

"I sent her a message saying I wanted some time off and that she didn't need to wait for me. That's probably why she didn't tell me. In fact, she hadn't even answered my message, even though she had read it. I don't blame her."

"I wouldn't blame her either. You left her with a cold message. What is wrong with you? But more important, in less than 10 days, this hospital has lost Kepner, Arizona and Webber. And now, thanks to you, I have to add Pierce to that list, which means that the job I offered Altman has to stick with me so that she can take Pierce's place as Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery. Have you visit the E.R.? It doesn't work as a clock anymore. I had a heart attack and I have enough problems as it is. So you must understand that you have no choice but to be unproblematic. Do you think you can do that, for my sake? So that Tuck won't lose his mom and Ben won't lose his wife. Can you do it or is it too much for you?"

"I'll be unproblematic," Jackson said feeling as he had lost a battle he didn't even get to fight. Why had he come to talk to her?

Bailey was escorting him to the door and just before closing the door in his face, she answered the question Jackson didn't have the time to ask.

"That's great, because starting this month Jefferson Inc. will be managing the hospital's cafeteria and today I've found out that Jefferson Inc. is run by Robert Avery. I was worried it was going to be a problem. I felt relieved that it isn't going to be that way."

For a moment, the only thing he could do was stare at the closed door. He was repeating Bailey's words in his head trying to make some sense out of them. Because Robert Avery's place was in Montana, not Seattle. Seattle was his place. This hospital was his place.

Bailey had played him. If this were chess, she'd be yelling checkmate.

He started wondering through the hospital's hallways and ended in the place he had been avoiding. He used to go there every chance he got, but now that there was no chance of finding her there, he had been avoiding the E.R. Just like Bailey implied, this place was not the same without April running it.

At this time, she must be in the airport waiting to board the plane with Matthew, Harriet, Ruby and Karen.

Of course, he would be willing to talk about his father coming to Seattle to work at the same place that him with April. She was his person. He also wanted her to talk to him about whatever was going on with her life. After she healed her relationship with God and survived the accident with Matthew, he thought she was on safe ground. After all, she was supposed to be living happily ever after with Matthew. Wasn't that the reason he was there for her at her wedding with him? Because he wished her to be happy.

He knew what he wanted was nowhere to be found in this hospital, not anymore. The place that used to be like a home, started to seem more like a job that was getting him tired. Was that what everyone felt when they left? Stephanie, April, Arizona, Richard and Maggie. Did they all realized that GSM was losing its magic?

Meredith paged him and brought him back to reality. If she knew about him and Maggie, she would want to kill him. While he was going to see her, he received a voice message. He thought it would be Maggie answering his message about the time off but he was wrong. He didn't expected Maggie would tell him April and Matthew were divorced. Could it be true? He remembered his conversation with April when she told him she was going to Ohio. He needed to talk to her.

While he was listening to Maggie's message, he saw his father coming his way and before he could actually get to see him, he entered the scan room.

Meredith entered the room right after him.

"Jackson, have you talk with Maggie? I don't know how she took the news about Richard. I'm worried. She isn't answering my messages."

If she had asked before, he could had answered that she wasn't answering him either. Now, it would be a lie.

"I asked her for some time off."

"You asked her what?" Meredith asked.

"I know. You may hit me if you want. I deserve it. I didn't even face her, I sent her a message."

"I wish I could, but I called you for something else. Do you remember Joan Bennett?" Meredith asked.

"Of course. She had her tumor removed and her larynx reconstructed two months ago. Is she here? She must be… 34 weeks pregnant."

"She is here. Her cancer had spread. She needs to have a c-section today and then I'll be removing her tumor. She wants to sign a DNR. I tried to convince her not to do it. She could beat this. I'd call Arizona or April to talk her out of it, but you are the only surgeon she knows, that's still working here. She trusts you. Could you talk to her?"

"I'll talk to her. Did you talk with Bailey?"

"Is this about your father? I saw you entering the room in a hurry. Was it because of him? Have you two talked? You can't avoid him forever."

"I haven't talked to him. I've told him everything I wanted in Montana. This isn't about him. Did Richard tell you he bought Maggie a ticket plane?"

"Yes, he did."

"Maggie quitted. She's going with him."

"That can't be true. Maggie would have told me."

And that made him think in April. She would have told him, right? How could Maggie know about the divorce before him? Why wouldn't April tell him? She must be in the plane right now. He had to wait to give her a call.

Jackson went with Meredith to Joan's room. She was there, with a big smile, holding her husband's hands. Her belly had grown since the last time he saw her.

"Jackson! Finally, a known face. I can't believe I won't be seeing Arizona and April. You three were my dream team."

Jackson couldn't believe she was still this cheerful.

"I miss them too. How are you two doing? Meredith gave me an update on your status."

"Dell, honey, will you give us a moment?" Joan asked her husband.

Once he left the room, she told Jackson, "this baby has a chance thank to you. We made it. So, if Meredith brought you here because I signed a DNR, please do me a favor and don't even try."

"I trust her. If she says you have a chance to beat this, you should give her a chance."

"And I'm doing it. Probably, she'll have her chance. But that's all, one chance, if the C-section goes well. Will you be there?" she asked Jackson.

"Of course, if you want me there, I'll be there. Won't you reconsider your DNR? I almost lost someone I love, recently. Don't you think you're being selfish? What about Dell and your baby girl?" Jackson asked Joan.

"That's really low, Jackson. Do you really want to go there? What did you do when you thought you were losing that person? Eh?"

"The only thing I could do was pray God not to take her."

"And that was really selfless of you? Right? Well, guess what, if I die in the O.R. today, it won't be something I'm doing to you, it won't be something I'm doing to her, it won't be something I'm doing to Dell. It won't be something God is doing against any of you. So whatever happens, don't take it personally. Or do it if you want to suffer. But know that the responsibility is on you, not on me, not on God. As much as I love him, Dell's happiness isn't on me neither. Happiness can only come from within oneself."

"So you're not afraid of dying? Of leaving your daughter alone?" Meredith asked her.

Joan rolled her eyes.

"We are all dying continuously. Don't you think she is afraid of being born into this unknown world?" she said while caressing her belly, "she doesn't know what's waiting for her on the other side. Yet, I hope she will take the risk to be alive. I hope she won't resist life passing through her. I hope she won't oppose the flow of life. I hope she will let go whatever life takes away from her, even if it is myself. I hope she will take her life and enjoy it. And she won't ever be alone, because my body may die and perish, but love has no end. Now could you let me enjoy the company of my husband?" she said with a smiling face.

…

Minutes later, all of them were together in the O.R. The c-section went well, and Joan got the chance to held her daughter. She called her _Hope_. Dell kissed Joan and then left as he was told. Before they could put Joan under anesthesia, she started having trouble breathing. She had developed a clot.

"Just nod if you want to rescind your DNR," Meredith told her.

Joan shacked her head saying no. She extended her hand and Jackson held it. He and Meredith stayed with her while she died.

Even though it had hit him hard, Jackson volunteered to tell Dell about Joan's death. He couldn't stop thinking in Harriet's birth. He could have been Dell, alone with his newborn daughter.

As he was telling him, he couldn't contain his tears. He was hugging Dell with the same hands that just minutes before he used to hold Joan while she was dying.

Don't take it personally. He thought in Joan's words. It wasn't personal, it was random. And while Dell wouldn't be able to hear Joan voice again, he wouldn't be able to see her smile or to feel her beating heart against his skin, April was alive, just like him.

After leaving Dell, grieving his loss, Jackson went to find Bailey. He wanted to take some time off. He couldn't find her in her office and Jo told him that Bailey was waiting for an ambulance that was coming to the E.R.

He went to the E.R. and saw paramedic Nicole holding Ruby. As soon as he saw her, he noticed that Matthew was the one being moved on the stretcher. If Matthew and Ruby where here, where was April and Harriet?

Last time Matthew was hospitalized, April was left alone, freezing to death. Without thinking, Jackson ran to Matthew's side and asked him about April.

"Matthew, where is April?"

And before he could answer, Meredith appeared with Bailey next to her.

"Matthew, where is Maggie?" they asked.


	10. Chapter 10 Grounding

**Ch. 10 – Grounding**

" _As difficult as it is to endure, depression has elements that can be helpful in grief. It slows us down and allows us to take real stock of the loss. It makes us rebuild ourselves from the ground up. It clears the deck for growth. It takes us to a deeper place in our soul that we would not normally explore."_

― _Elisabeth Kübler-Ross_

April was finally home. Matthew had sent her a message, but she only received it after she had arrived to the airport. He told her that he might lose his flight because his car had broken and something about Maggie that she didn't quite understand. But at less she knew Matthew and Ruby were fine. He had also tell her that in case he lost his flight, he would let her know when he will be there. But until now, she had no news on when he was going to be in Columbus.

Everyone was waiting for her at the house, her dad, her sisters, her brothers in law, and her nephews who had grown so much in the time April hadn't seen them. Kimmie was especially happy to have April there.

"While you're here, I can forget about being the black sheep," Kimmie told April while giving her a hug. Somehow, she had passed from being the ugly duckling to being the black sheep of the family.

Kimmie was referring to the fact that now she was also a divorcee. April understood exactly how she felt. It wasn't easy for her divorcing Jackson. Not only she had to deal with her broken heart but she also felt like she had failed in some way and, even if it were silly, it also made her worry about what her family would think. As if one way or another, she wasn't good enough. Judging herself and making assumptions about what others could think could ruin anyone's life.

Even though she knew she wasn't on her best place, she felt the need to be there for her sister, whatever she could do to help her feel better about herself. She was being a hypocrite. How could she expect to help others when it was so difficult for her to accept any help? She still had many things to learn, and maybe this was her opportunity.

Harriet was being love-bombed by all my family. Everyone was crazy about her ladybug. As soon as she had the chance, she sneaked away and found a bed to rest and she fall asleep leaving all her problems behind.

Hours later, Karen came to call her for breakfast. But sleeping was a way of hiding from reality, so April told her she was tired and went back to sleep.

Later Kimmie went to wake her up. She wasn't as nice as her mom. Neither was she giving up as easily.

"Are you going to stay here until Harriet forgets how her mother looks? Is that your plan?" Kimmie said while throwing pillows at her.

"Leave me alone!" April said while covering herself with the blankets.

"I'm planning on doing that, just not here. Dad and mom are worried about you. So we're going out. Get ready. You can sleep under a tree. I'll take care of Harriet. I'll be waiting for you downstairs. You have five minutes or I'll will come and get you."

Five minutes and April was downstairs. She said goodbye to her parents, she took Harriet in her hands and followed her sister.

Kimmie kept her word and didn't bother April at all. They chose a shady place to put a blanket where April lied down, staring at the sky, the tree branches and leaves. She didn't remember the last time she did that. The image of how the night sky looked here came to her mind, making her smile. This time, even if she was resting, she didn't fall asleep. Sometimes she would look to the left to check on what Kimmie was doing with Harriet. Kimmie was great with kids. She had always been good with them, but she was different now. She seemed so much happier. April didn't know if it was because comparing to her, anyone seemed happier or maybe she was right and her sister had changed for the best.

April heard Kimmie and Harriet approaching. When she checked, they were coming with a basket. Kimmie had turned this into a picnic. Without saying anything to April, Kimmie started eating what she had brought.

"Is that salami and cheese?" April asked.

"Yes. And homemade bread," Kimmie replied.

"When was the last time I told you I loved you?" April asked while sitting against the tree. She took her shoes off, to feel the grass under her feet.

"Is that your meds talking?" Kimmie asked while handing April some food.

"Very funny" April said while hitting her sister with the elbow

She took the food anyways.

"I didn't knew I was this hungry!" April said.

"She's just like you" Kimmie said while looking at April and Harriet.

"She looks like her father."

"She looks like you when she's eating bread. She has your same happy face."

And that made April smile.

"It's nice to see the smile back on your face. I don't like to see my sister sad," Kimmie told her.

"It's nice to be back home. I don't like to see my sisters sad either. I don't know if it's my meds or what, but divorce looks good on you. Is it just me? Or someone else had told you that?"

"It's not your meds. After the divorce, even the kids had told me they were happy to see me happy. They really knew how miserable I was even if I tried my best to hide it and to bear with it. It was difficult for me, but somehow knowing you had gone through it; make me believe I could also do it. I know it wasn't the same, because you didn't want to divorce. And the funny thing is that should have make me thought that your experience was worse, but yet everyone knew you did your best to protect your marriage, while I, on the other hand, was the one that wanted it to end. I was the one that had enough, the one who wanted to give up, the one that bailed. And I thought that meant I wasn't good enough. I would be the one that failed. So, before taking the decision, I mean when the decision was already made in my mind but I wasn't doing anything about it, it was the worst time for me. I was feeling like shit. But once it was done, once I was truthful to myself, I actually felt at peace. It was the most liberating and empowering thing ever, I had chosen myself. I had put myself first. I had said enough to what was hurting me. All the fear I used to had, that used to feel so real, became something meaningless. It's not that I believe no one had actually judged me for divorcing."

"I never did," April interrupted.

"I know. You never had it easy, maybe that's why it's natural for you to make it easy for the rest of us. Every hardship, every mistake, every crisis, had made you a better person. You're going to come out of this stronger, you know?" Kimmie asked.

"I know. Jackson kinda told me the same thing. That could also describe you. When did my little sister grow so much?"

"How could I be the same with everything I had to learn? I'm still learning, just like you. This experience will change you once again."

"I hope so. Somehow, I know it wasn't accidental. I took the fast path to my breaking point. I quitted my job, which used to be the way I escaped from my problems," April said.

"Your job was your whole world. We were really worried when we heard that you quitted. It was everything you wanna be. A willingly jobless April Kepner, it didn't sound at all like my sister. Talking about you doing nothing, I know I said I'll leave you alone, but what do you think about returning to high school?"

April started coughing as she was choking on food. Kimmie handed her some water.

"Are you kidding? You know exactly how I feel about high school."

"You seem to be forgetting something, high school might be exactly the same, but the high school student version of you, it's no longer who you are. You have let her behind long ago. We could thank her for who you're right now, the best mom, the soldier, the badass trauma surgeon, but that's all. Anyways, I definitely believe my students could benefit from hearing anything you could share with them."

"Do I have a word on this?"

"No, you don't. In my defense, I want to say that when mom suggested this, I was all against making you work while you were here until recently, when I realized that you were only planning to sleep."

"Funny. That wasn't my plan at all. You know when I first saw you and you told me about being the black sheep, I felt like I wanted to help you. My plan was to help you, go ahead and laugh. I don't know exactly how I was going to do it from my bed… Maybe I can help you help me. So when I'm supposed to go?"

"You're going on Monday to talk to my class about being a trauma surgeon and then we'll arrange for you to come another day to give us a First Aid & CPR training. What do you think?"

"It's sounds like a plan. I can't believe I actually thought you would leave me alone," April said smiling.

Kimmie laughted.

"You were always kind of naïve. I love that about you. If you still want to be alone, leave Harriet to us and go for a ride. When was the last time you did it? I know I'm not a doctor, but I'm prescribing you equine therapy."

April left the comfort of the tree and finally she stood up on her feet.

"You're the best doctor I could ask for," April told her sister while giving her a hug.

"I love you too" Kimmie replied while she was hugging her back.


	11. Chapter 11 Love over fear

**Ch. 11 – Love over fear**

" _When the world feels evil, we must be good. When the world feels terrifying, we must be brave. This is why love is a revolution. Because it's not easy. Because choosing love in the face of danger is an act of will. Danger on Earth is inevitable. Fear is a choice. Here is how to choose love over fear today: take relentless, tender, fierce care of loved ones and strangers and enemies"._

― _Glennon Doyle Melton_

Matthew saw Alma's stepfather pointing the gun at Maggie. He shielded Maggie's body. As he was falling to the ground, taking Maggie with him, he felt the sound of the gunshot and the instant pain in his arm.

Maggie heard the gunshot but she only felt Matthew pushing her and then her body hitting the ground. She opened her eyes and saw Matthew's face. His arm was bleeding. She had never wanted to hurt someone so much in her life. She looked into the gunman's eyes. Her hate was bigger than her fears. And then she heard it again. That noise that froze her blood. She didn't close her eyes, so she saw the exact moment the bullet hit his head. It was horrifying. As a surgeon, she had seen blood, the inner part of the body, she knew exactly how every organ looked and she had seen what a gunshot could do to someone's body. No knowledge in the world could help her make sense of someone's life being taken away that violently.

She knew then that he didn't hate him, she hated the act, the violence. She wouldn't have wished such an ending to anyone. She started feeling so tiny and humble. She thought she knew how fleeting was life. She had witnessed it before. The difference this time was she felt the world was broken and in pain. Violence made everything seem empty and soulless.

"He's dead," Maggie told Matthew, "How are you?"

"I don't know how to answer that."

"I know. I think we are going to need therapy. I'm not saying we couldn't have benefited from it before but this was another level of trauma. A little girl being kidnapped by her stepfather, we being pointed by a gun, your gunshot wound, this man's death."

She got up from the ground and helped Matthew do the same. She used her scarf to cover the entrance and exit wound in his arm. The police officer introduced himself as he was running to them.

Maggie lifted Ruby who was crying and she helped Matthew hold her with his left arm. She was still trembling.

Alma was curled up in the trunk.

"We're safe," Maggie told her, "We're going home. You can leave the car. Come with me"

Alma stood up and she put her arms around Maggie's neck. Maggie helped her get out of the trunk. She asked her to close her eyes, not to see the dead body.

Officer Tanner checked the shooter and notified to the station that he was dead and we were fine. The paramedics were getting to the place but Alma was eager to leave this place behind. Tanner took Ruby's seat and he helped Matthew going up.

Alma was fine. Ruby was fine. Matthew had a gunshot wound because of her.

"I couldn't move. Fear didn't let me move. You not only didn't let fear freeze you, you chose to protect me. The world felt like shit and you protected a stranger. We barely knew each other. You are … I don't know, impressive? What you did... I can't thank you enough. You make me wanna be a better person. You make me wanna believe there's hope in this world."

"Alma is fine thanks to you. You did that, you know?"

Once they reached the road, the ambulance was already there. Agent Parker was also there.

"Matthew? What happened?" Nicole asked. While Matthew's partners treated his arm and interrogated him, Maggie told Parker everything that happened.

The paramedics also checked Alma. She was perfectly fine.

"You need to take her to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. She was recently hospitalized there because of a heart condition. The doctor that discharged her needs to check on her," Maggie said, thinking in how relieved Teddy would feel once she saw Alma was fine.

Before they left for the hospital, Maggie thanked once again Matthew.

"You didn't have anything to do with this situation. I feel I dragged you two to the danger. I'm sorry you must have lost a flight," Maggie said.

"We were where we were supposed to be and you must have lost yours too," Matthew said.

"I'm glad everyone is fine. I don't know how to thank you. Take care of Ruby," Maggie said as she placed a kiss on Ruby's forehead. He did the same with Matthew.

When Maggie was leaving, Matthew called her back.

"Maggie, take the key!"

"I can't take it."

"Yes, you can. This is where your journey starts. Go after what you want. Whatever it is, at least try it. After all, we are alive," he told her as he threw her the key of his car with his good arm.

"You are too good to be true, you know? I hope you two all the happiness in the world. You deserve it," Maggie said and she asked Matthew his phone number.

"The world is a scary place and I could use a brave friend. I'll keep you updated on my journey. And maybe you can tell once you figure it out, how you are."

As Matthew had said, that was the start of Maggie's journey. While Matthew was in his way to GSM, Maggie arrived to the airport and bought a ticket. She sent Richard a message telling him "Please wait for me" and a picture of her boarding pass.

On the ambulance, Nicole couldn't help asking "Does April know where you are?"

"While I was on the car, I told her that I might probably lose my flight because I was giving Maggie a ride when I lost her."

"Why don't you tell her where you are?"

"Because I don't want to lie to her or to worry her. I told her I'd let her know once I had a new ticket."

"Does Jackson know you two are divorced?"

"Maggie told him."

"This is going to be interesting," Nicole said as the ambulance stopped in front of the hospital.

As soon as he passed the E.R. doors, everyone was asking him questions about someone else's status. It was something he was used to except this time, he was supposed to be the patient.

"April, Columbus and Maggie, airport," Matthew answered as he was taken to get an X-ray of his right arm, where he was shoot.

"I didn't know either of them were missing," Owen told him while taking him away. Matthew had only told the paramedics about what happened, but he felt already tired thinking in how many times he would have to tell the same story.

Miranda and Meredith forgot about Matthew once they saw the FBI Agent entering the E.R. Alma was brought back to the hospital. Miranda questioned Agent Parker about what had happened while Teddy was checking Alma's status.

Jackson hadn't heard about Alma being kidnapped, but he could feel how relieved everyone was, specially Teddy. He stayed with them hearing what was going on, to Maggie, while he was being an ass with her.

Agent Parker told them where Alma was found and how Maggie found her and save her with Matthew's help.

"I have to thank Matthew. He took a bullet for her although he barely knew her. April saw it in him. I guess I now understand why she chose him," Meredith said.

Jackson knew it. Matthew was way more deserving of April. He hadn't talked to him. He wanted to check what Maggie told him. If it was true, how was April doing?

Alma's mother came to see her daughter. She cried a river while hugging her.

Meredith left to thank Matthew, and Jackson took the chance to talk with Bailey.

"I need to talk with you," Jackson told Bailey.

"I thought we had agreed you weren't quitting," Bailey said.

"Exactly. I know we'll both agree that's better for me and the hospital, to take a week off instead of quitting."

"Maybe I can agree to that. Finish your shift and take a week off," Bailey said. She didn't want to lose anyone else.

Jackson smiled and when he was about to leave, Bailey stopped him.

"Jackson, where are you going?"

"To finish my shift," Jackson said while walking away.

Bailey's phone starting ringing and she couldn't stop him.

"That wasn't what I meant," Bailey said to the air.

"Ben, is everything ok? Today was one of those days..." Bailey said answering her phone.

"I know. I heard Matthew is there. I wanted to check everyone was fine."

"Alma is here with her mother. Owen is treating Matthew. Maggie is in Europe. April is Columbus. Jackson is taking a week off."

"Wait. You had told me about Maggie, but why did Jackson take a week off?"

"I don't know," Bailey said, clearly upset about it, "I was asking him when you called. Now I lost him. I wanted to know if he's going to bring me back my cardiothoracic surgeon"

"Or maybe you can get your trauma surgeon back."

"Oh... I haven't thought that was an option. Should I worry about Matthew's wellbeing? Is there anything you haven't told me?"

"You are the love of my life. That's all," Ben said.

"And April is the love of Avery's life, that's what you are saying?"

"Exactly," Ben answered.

"That's bullshit. They had every chance to be together and they didn't."

"Waiting game."

"I don't know what that is but do it to me and you are dead, Ben Warren."

"I'm smarter than that."

"You wouldn't be the love of my life, otherwise."

While Bailey was talking with Ben, Meredith was talking with Matthew.

"How are you?" Meredith asked.

"Owen said I'm lucky. Only flesh wounds. I'd recover just fine."

"I heard you saved Maggie. I wanted to thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. Anyone would have done the same," Matthew said.

"If that were the case, I don't think anyone would have shot you in the first place. The world would be a better place if more people were like you. I don't think it's possible, but did anything happened with Maggie's phone? She isn't answering my messages."

"She was just having a bad day. The good news is she took the bad she was getting and turned it into a chance to start a journey with her biological dad."

"I don't know. I think she's running away from something."

"Maybe, but problems are mental creations, you can't successfully run away from them. They will go with you anywhere. I know it from my own experience."

"I know. Richard will be there for her. I shouldn't worry. I just want to hear it from her. I'm letting you go, you must be wishing to go back to your wife after this awful day. Goodbye, little Ruby," Meredith said leaving them alone.

Matthew was discharged so he had to leave too. He had to take care of his right arm, he wasn't supposed to do any effort with it. While he was placing Ruby in her seat, he thought about how complicated it was going to be for him, as a single parent, having to take care of her with one arm only. He was lucky, though. He didn't want to think about what could have happened.

He took Ruby and went to the door. Jackson saw him leaving and went to talk to him. His shift was over. His week off was on.

"Matthew!" he said while running towards him. "Let me take Ruby. You shouldn't be doing any effort."

"Hi Jackson. Thank you, you shouldn't have to bother," Matthew said.

"It's not a bother. I can't believe I have only seen you in pictures. Nice to meet you, Ruby," Jackson said and Ruby gave him a smile. "Where you going to Columbus with April?"

"Yeah, I was."

"You lost your flight?"

"I lost my flight."

"I want to see Harriet... and April. I'm worried about her. I miss them. I'm going to Columbus. You should come with me on the jet," Jackson said, leaving Matthew astonished.


	12. Ch 12 Forgiveness, compassion and peace

**Ch. 12 – Forgiveness, compassion and peace**

 _"If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion and peace."_

– _Eckhart Tolle_

Once they were in the jet, an awkward silence filled the room. Jackson wanted to ask Matthew many things. Without having to tell Matthew anything, he started the conversation.

"What do you wanna know? About Maggie and me almost dying? About April and I divorcing?" Matthew asked.

So it was true. They were divorcing.

"You and April are divorced?"

"I was the one that told Maggie," Matthew said.

Jackson still wanted to know more. April hadn't told him about the divorce but she told him Matthew was going to Columbus with her. He didn't understand why.

"That explains it. I don't want to intrude or anything, but why are you going to Columbus?" Jackson asked.

It was odd asking him that knowing he was the uninvited one.

"Because I care about her. We are still friends. You are doing the same, aren't you?"

If it were the same, Matthew would still be in love with her.

"She's my person. Aren't you worried you'll regret it later? The divorce, I mean. You were married for a week."

"Just because that happened to you, it doesn't mean it will happen to me. Your mistake was divorcing while our mistake was marrying. We did it on a whim. We thought two broken people could make a whole. We were mourning what we lost and we were trying to find it again. Trying to fix the other to have maybe a chance to fix ourselves. It doesn't work that way. I can only heal myself and April is the only one who can heal herself."

Jackson didn't want to swim in the pool of regrets. He knew he could drown there. The past was in the past and nothing could change it. Just like after losing Samuel, he wouldn't regret a thing. He didn't regret divorcing April.

"I'm not sure I regret our divorce," Jackson finally said.

Matthew wasn't expecting that answer.

"You love her," Matthew said.

"I love her," Jackson said feeling odd about having this conversation with Matthew of all people.

"I meant she is the love of your life," Matthew added not knowing if he was being clear enough.

Jackson was also surprised by Matthew's answers. Everything seemed to be so clear to him and that resentment he showed for instance at what was supposed to be Alex's wedding, seemed all gone. He had always been a better person.

"She is. How do you do it? Life was harsh on you and you keep believing in God and being positive and thankful. You took a bullet for Maggie, you are being a good friend for April after your divorce and you're hearing me like a friend. It's like Meredith said, it's easy to see why April chose you."

"Stop it," Matthew said.

Jackson didn't understand what was he talking about.

"What?"

"I'm not a hero… don't treat me like one. You're assuming I'm a good person without any knowledge. How can you say I still believe when I haven't told you that?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying that I lost the mother of my child the day she was born and I'd have done anything for her to be here now, alive. You went through the same when Harriet was born, except April survived. And while she's fighting for her mental health, you're telling me she's the love of your life, but what? How can you tell me she is the love of your life but you don't regret divorcing her? Why would you let us get married when you loved her?"

So there was still resentment. Hearing about April fighting for her mental health made Jackson's heart ache.

"I know it took me a lot of time, to be in this place, accepting how I feel, and it's odd that you're the one hearing it first, but I know it now and maybe not everything is lost. I haven't lost all hope. We are alive and we have a daughter together. I only say I don't regret it cause I don't know where the two of us, or Harriet, would be if we haven't divorced."

"Harriet wasn't the result of you two divorcing," Matthew said.

Jackson didn't need Matthew to tell him that.

"I know that. I know we hurt each other a lot, before and after the divorce. But I can't regret it. I have to believe there's a meaning to all of it. Take for example, Harriet's birth, I don't know how that'd have turn out having I been there with April instead of Ben. When we divorced, we were miserable but not divorcing doesn't necessary mean I'd have made April happy."

"But now you can. That's what you're saying?" Matthew asked.

"I can try. What I'm saying is that I can't change the past and the what if questions won't help me now. I know you were there for her when I failed her, especially these past few days. So, how bad it is?"

"It's as bad as what you could expect if you've gone through everything she had gone through. The shooting. Having her life threatened, losing and seeing her friends hurt. The bullying. Her mistake costing someone's life. Being let go twice. Losing Samuel. Your relationship failing. The divorce. Harriet's birth. Her crisis of faith. Realizing that the world is unfair and life is suffering. When she finally recovered her relationship with God, she was already broken, long ago. But she was used to keep on going no matter what. And she was so good at it that once her faith was back no one noticed she was damaged. It was like having an internal bleeding and when she realized what was happening, the damage was already done. And let's not forget our car accident. So, it is bad. It's so bad that she believed we had a chance at marriage."

"That was harsh. You two had chosen each other two times. Why wouldn't you have a chance?"

It was clear to Jackson he should have stopped the wedding considering his feelings, but at that time he was still in denial, not wanting to accept what he had lost or what a fool he had been. But stopping the wedding considering April wouldn't be happy with Matthew, that never crossed his mind. He had always thought Matthew could be everything April needed, that he would suit her better, that he would be a better husband and that he wouldn't let her down.

"Seriously? I get that you want a second chance with her, but how could you be so blind? She doesn't love me that way. She never had. She left me at the altar for you. She'd have married me if you haven't stopped her. That should have told you long ago, how bad it was. Because she had always wanted you. You were always the one. I'm sure had you stood up at the wedding, the result would have been the same as the last time. She never wanted to leave you. Not when she actually left you for the army. Not when you wanted to divorce. Not when she moved out because it was hurting her. If you had given her a chance, she would have followed you anywhere."

He did felt stupid. It's not that he doubted April's love. It was that he didn't feel worthy of it. So it made a lot of sense to him that she would choose Matthew again. Matthew was worthy.

"I want to do it right this time. I want to be worthy of her love. I still don't think I'm but if she gives me a chance I'll spend the rest of my life trying to get there. I don't need her to stay or to follow me cause I want to follow her anywhere."

"Then do it. She deserves to leave all the pain behind. She deserves to hear that you had forgiven her, that it wasn't all her fault."

"We discussed this with her. We talked it out. We said we were sorry for blaming each other for the collapse of our marriage."

"Great. That's great. You only need to win her back then. Now that I'm out of the picture maybe it'll be easier for you."

"Are you really over her? You have no problem about April and I trying it again?"

"I've been over her since I realized I had feelings for Karin. I have no problem with you and April. If anything I envy you for having the chance to have a life with the love of your life," Matthew said with her eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry about Karin. We had talked a lot about April and me, especially about me. What about you? How are you doing?"

"I'm alive."

That was too short of an answer.

"What does that mean?" Jackson asked.

"I don't know Jackson. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to admit how broken I'm cause I'm everything Ruby has."

"That's a heavy weight on your shoulders."

"It is, but I don't want to talk about my daughter in those terms. She's also everything I have."

"Whatever you need, you can count on me. I know we haven't been exactly friends but life has had its ways of crossing our paths more than once and we have a lot more in common than it seems. Also, I know the same could have happened to me. I heard what you say about me almost losing April and I don't know how I could have live through that, cause I wouldn't even had the chance to tell her I love her, to be honest with her, to fix it."

"When Karin died we were on the best of places. She knew exactly how I felt about her and she knew I knew exactly how she felt about me. It didn't make it any easier. Nothing prepares you to lose someone you love. Not even my profession. Not even my faith. I hadn't even had a crisis of faith, you know? I tried to make some sense of it in my mind and I fooled myself. It doesn't have a sense. It doesn't have a meaning. It's just what it is and you can either accept it or suffer."

"So you're suffering?" Jackson asked.

"So I'm suffering and I don't know how to make it stop. I know all the theory. I know what's wrong with me. I know what I should think or believe but I don't know how to put it in practice. I need help. That's so fucking hard to say. But I think that's why I'm going to Columbus," Matthew said.

"You're going to Columbus to get help? I thought you were going for April."

"I'm going there for her. I know she's going to come out of this stronger. I believe that. And while I'm there for her, maybe I can learn a thing or two from her."

"You shouldn't rely on that. You say it yourself; two broken people don't make a whole. Have you consider therapy?"

"Funny. You're not the first one to suggest it. Your sister did it first," Matthew said.

Jackson almost choked when he understood what he meant.

"Maggie told you that?"

"Yes. And I think you two are right. I'm going to do everything in my power to get better, for me and for Ruby."

…

It was early in the morning when the jet landed. Jackson rented a car. While he was driving, he thought about how last time he passed through these roads, April was there with him.

"If April's sisters saw us arriving together, they would lose their minds," Jackson joked.

"I know. I bet that after you two elope from the wedding, they thought there was nothing else that could surprise them. Now they are going to see us, the exes, coming to their home for their two times divorcee sister."

"Families are complicated. I shouldn't be the one to judge," Jackson said and he couldn't help but think about Robert being back at Seattle.

When they arrived to April's family house, Karen went to greet them. Jackson helped Matthew holding Ruby who was sleeping like an angel. Karen finally noticed Matthew's arm. Between that and Jackson being there, she didn't know what to think. But she was getting used to not knowing what to think and maybe it wasn't that bad.

"Hi, Karen," Jackson said.

"Hi, Jackson. I didn't know you were coming. Is everything ok?" Karen asked imitating Jackson's voice and taking Ruby in her arms.

"I see what you did there. I'm sorry I was so rude last time. I'm sorry I didn't take good care of April. Thank you for being there for her," Jackson said.

"I'm her mother. You're welcome. Harriet is inside if you wanna see her. Let's go inside," Karen said.

Once they entered the house, Joe who was playing with Harriet on a carpet, couldn't hide the surprise in his face, seeing Jackson there.

"Look who's here!" Karen said in a joyful voice that made Jackson believe it had nothing to do with him being there but it was more about Matthew and Ruby.

Harriet was the only one that actually made him feel welcome. When she saw him, she opened her mouth showing a big smile. Jackson definitely had missed her more than he had thought. She walked towards him and he picked her up and made her spin her around.

"You smell like soap," Jackson told her.

Jackson greeted Joe and so did Matthew.

"It's been a long time Jackson. My daughter has a thing for getting married without inviting her family. I guess the claim expired considering you are now divorced," Joe said and laughed.

"It's funny because now that I think about it, the claim could be for either of you," Joe said looking at Jackson and Matthew with a smile in his face.

"I'm so sorry," Matthew said.

"I was just kidding. The important thing is that you did the best you could. What happened to your arm?"

Joe realized Jackson was scanning the place with his eyes.

"She's not here, you know?" Joe said.

"What?" Jackson asked.

"You're looking for April, right? She's not in the house," Joe answered.

"How is she?" Matthew asked.

"The day she arrived all she did was sleeping and laying down. Kimmie had to take her out of bed. I believe that after being outside, breathing fresh air and connecting with nature and maybe talking a little to Kimmie, she started to do something to get out of the well. She stopped sleeping all the time and went to ride, she starred at the starry sky and now she is helping with the farm chores. She is having a good day. Let's not ruin it."

"We're here on good terms. We care about her. We are here for her," Matthew said.

"You're here as her friends," Joe said, and even if it didn't sound as a question, it had that intent.

"I'm here as her friend," Matthew said.

Jackson didn't answer and Joe was staring at him.

"She's my family, I wouldn't let her alone going through this," he finally said.

"So you're here as her ex-husband and father of her kids?" Joe asked.

Jackson knew exactly where this conversation was going and he wasn't comfortable with it.

"I don't want to hurt her or to mess with her feelings. I love her," Jackson said.

Joe rolled her eyes.

"Ok. It has nothing to do with me anyway. You two are adults. You have a daughter too, maybe sometime in the future you'll understand how this feels. I just wish to live long enough to hear about Harriet introducing to you her first boyfriend or girlfriend," Joe said while laughing. And seeing her grandpa laughing made Harriet laugh. Jackson believed he wouldn't be able to sleep that night.

Jackson picked up Harriet and held her tight. Harriet put her hand on his cheek and looked at him.

"I'm okay. You're a free human being. Oh my God! I can't believe someone else could call you _mine_!" Jackson said and held her tighter before leaving her on the rug again.

Matthew wanted to laugh, until he realized it could happen to him. As if she could read his thoughts, Karen put Ruby back in his arms.

"I love April. I always have and I don't think that will ever change. I don't expect her or you to give me another chance but I'll fight for us. And if she takes me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be deserving of her. I know she deserves better than I and I know she probably won't want me back, but I have to try cause it's us and we are something worth fighting for," Jackson said.

"You shouldn't be telling this to us. She's on the barn," Karen said.

Jackson smiled and moved towards Karen. With his hands on her cheeks, Jackson placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you," he said, before running through the door, towards what he had always wanted.


	13. Chapter 13 The pain of our wounds

**Ch. 13 – The pain of our wounds**

" _In order to protect our emotional wounds, and because of our fear of being hurt, humans create something very sophisticated in the mind: a big denial system. In that denial system we become the perfect liars. We lie so perfectly that we lie to ourselves and we even believe our own lies. We don't notice we are lying, and sometimes even when we know we are lying, we justify the lie and excuse the lie to protect ourselves from the pain of our wounds. The denial system is like a wall of fog in front of our eyes that blinds us from seeing the truth. We wear a social mask because it's too painful to see ourselves or to let others see us as we really are. And the denial system lets us pretend that everyone believes what we want them to believe about us. We put up these barriers for protection, to keep other people away."_

― _Miguel Ruiz_

April was on her way back to the house when she decided to give Arizona a call. It wasn't that they weren't talking. It was just that a lot had changed in a short time and she hadn't told her friend about it. She tried to call her but it went straight to voice mail. April was disappointed. Once she had found the courage to open up about her feelings, she didn't have who to talk to. Without thinking it too much, so she wouldn't have time to change her mind, she sent her a voice message.

"Hi Arizona! How are you? I know we had recently talked and you were so happy you have your family back together and when it was my turn to talk about me and how I was doing I... kind of lied. I'm okay. I don't want you to worry and the true is, that back then, that was also the reason why I didn't tell you. The good news is I'm doing therapy and Matthew and I are divorced. That. I said it. It sounds bad but it was a good decision. I was being miserable with how my life turned out to be and I didn't want to admit that I could do that to Matthew. But the true was neither of us love the other one in that way. We shouldn't have get married. A lot had happened to us and our minds weren't on the right place. I'm better now. The meds, the therapy and being back at Columbus surrounded by my family and nature is helping me. Kimmie has surprised me in a good way. Everyone has been so supporting of me, I thought I didn't have to bother you. But if our places were changed, I know I would have wanted to know, cause I love you and you're my best friend. Don't tell Jackson I said that! That's all. I hope you all are doing fine. Send Callie and Sofia kisses."

Once the message was sent, she started thinking in the fact that there was someone else she hadn't been completely honest with. She needed to talk with Jackson. It had been a long day and maybe she didn't want to face him yet. What was she going to do? When she was about to get home, she noticed movement inside the house. She wasn't in the mood for visits. She was tired from all the farm chores and she was only in the mood for a shower, so she didn't even consider going inside.

Jackson missed April just for a minute. He was running with a smile in his face. A while had passed since the last time he had felt this good. Feeling this happy and enthusiastic while running reminded him of the moment when he ran out of the barn with April, at her wedding. A lot had happened since then. This time he was running to a barn to find her.

He reached the barn and as soon as he stopped, he realized he was out of breath. He didn't see April anywhere so he shouted her name as loud as he could. But there was no answer. He went from being enthusiastic to being in low spirits. If she wasn't there, where could he find her? He didn't have to think much, he already knew the answer.

He didn't run this time. He walked through the open field until he reached the pond April had showed him when they were here. He got there just in time to see her, coming up naked from the waist up, throwing her wet hair back through the air. In which world could he have thought that he could ever live without her? He coughed loudly letting her know she was not alone but it wasn't the smartest thing to do. But his blood wasn't exactly running to his brain.

April scared the hell out of herself and she dived in as fast as she could. Once she turned her head around and saw him, she started walking out of the pond, swearing and cursing him. Her red wet hair wasn't covering much and he noticed the exact moment when she realized what she was provoking on him. She stopped cursing, her jaw dropped forming an O with her mouth and then she giggled.

"The water is cold. Maybe you should try it," she said punching him on the arm. He was kind of tense and when she hit him, he lost balance and ended in the water, fully-clothed.

April wasn't expecting that and she took her hands to her mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Please tell me you didn't have your phone with you!" April said.

"I left it at your parent's."

When she tried to help him out, he did the obvious and pulled her in. She couldn't be mad, she was already wet.

She splashed him with water while pointing out how of insensitive of him was to scare the hell out of a woman who recently had a panic attack.

"Sorry! I didn't intent to scare you"

"Tell that to my heart," April said while putting her hands on her chest, feeling her heartbeats.

"Are you okay?" He asked without really believing he was finally in front of her.

April nodded, answering his question, knowing this was exactly the conversation she wanted to avoid.

"You look happy," April said smiling.

It was something good, but she couldn't help wondering why was he there. What couldn't he say on the phone? She thought about their last conversation over the phone. After he told her about how hard was to name his feelings, she had told him to believe in himself. _You can name it, admit it, and say it out loud_.

Did he propose to Maggie? Was he here to tell her the happy news? Maybe they were having a religious ceremony. "Stop making assumptions" she thought to herself. Before anxiety could take control over her, she concentrated on the present moment but she found out it didn't help. She had a lot of skin exposed and he was there looking at her, confusing her. But HE was there, with her and for a moment everything was fine and nothing else mattered. The meds she was taking didn't matter. Her past panic attack didn't matter. Jackson marrying Maggie didn't matter.

And they both stayed in the same position, in the water, just breathing and looking to each other, wanting that moment to last forever, not knowing they both wanted the same thing.

"I think your family is waiting for us, they think we are at the barn" Jackson said, breaking the magic of the spell that was keeping them there.

"I think they know better, especially after the last time," April said with a smirking face.

"Oh! I forgot we had a track record in barns."

"In barns, hotels, bathrooms, cars, on-call rooms, elevators. Should I continue?"

"Our sex life was never a problem. I think you have successfully made your point."

April knew that the attitude she was having, was dangerous. She was still feeling things and she knew he couldn't answer to those feelings. He was in love with Maggie. What used to be normal between them was now only a mirage. "Remember it will cause you pain," April thought and moved backwards, away from Jackson. And willing to break all illusion, she finally asked him "Why are you here?"

Jackson moved forward and took April's hand.

"I want to make this work," he said while getting closer to her.

"And what's this?" April asked.

"Us."

"Us?" April asked, opening her eyes wide in skepticism.

"I'm asking for another chance. I know it's too much to ask. I know I don't deserve it and that my word may mean nothing to you by now but I… I love you. I always have and I still want the whole damn thing. I don't expect you to feel the same way."

She wasn't expecting that confession but it wasn't the first time she had no idea what Jackson was thinking. What she was expecting, she didn't want but this... She knew exactly what she wanted. His words surprised her but that didn't mean she was gonna stay behind. Holding his head in her hands, she suddenly kissed him.

The kiss took Jackson by surprise. It made him see he had missed her more than he had thought. He couldn't help but placing his hands on her waist and he knew he wanted more than that. But he wanted to do it right this time.

"April," he said and she knew what that meant but his body was giving her the opposite message. His hands were all around her. Was it an illusion after all?

"Should I not have done that? If you want me to stop, just say so, and I'll stop," April said stopping what she was doing.

Everything about their past, was telling her to stop before she could get hurt.

"I love you," Jackson said and April really wanted to interrupt him but she wasn't making assumptions, or at least, she wasn't sharing them before Jackson could explain himself.

"We really should talk, though," he continued, "There're some things I want you to know," Jackson said while April started tracing the line of his jaw.

"Among those things you want to share with me, there's no _I love you but_?" April asked.

"I don't think so"

"Ok. You may talk then. I'm listening."

And before Jackson could actually talk, she embraced him, placing her hands on his neck and her legs around his waist, and she started tracing his neck with kisses. Jackson was over the moon but he wanted to talk to her and that didn't help. He needed to let her know what was going on with his life.

"I broke with Maggie."

"Mm-hmm," April answered while giving him another kiss on the neck. The true is she stopped thinking in Maggie once he told her she loved her.

"I know you and Matthew are divorced."

"Mm-hmm," she answered once again as she continued kissing him.

"Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital's cafeteria is now run by my father."

"Mm- Wait. What?" April asked looking up at him, stopping all her kissing activity.

"I thought you weren't listening."

"I was. So the last part was a joke, right?"

"I wish it were."

April let go of Jackson and walked out of the pond.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Well, you can't blame me for relating your father with you confusing me with a Montana situation," April said.

"I know. That's why I wanted you to know."

"Because you want to mess with my feelings?" she asked.

"Because I wanted you to hear it from me before deciding to give me a chance. Because I wanted to do it right this time."

April sat and let her back fall into the grass. Jackson looked for her clothes and he covered her with her shirt.

"You know I'm still wet, right?" April said with a killer look, "I can't believe it. You're choosing to have a conversation over sex. It took you years to realize our therapist was right."

"What are you saying?" Jackson asked as he took a place next to her, lying on the grass.

"Aren't you saying we shouldn't be having sex?"

"Speak for yourself," Jackson said pretending to be annoyed and April laughed.

"Then, what do you think was wrong about last time?" April asked as she rolled to face him, pushing herself up on an elbow and then reclining her head on her arm. Jackson did the same as he moved closer.

"The fact that I was still in love with you but I couldn't sort out my feelings. The same thing that happened when we were arguing about divorce. The same thing that happened when I signed those papers. I was clear about us. My mind was made up but when I looked at you, I stopped thinking. I preferred thinking that being with you confused me but the clarity I thought I had when we are apart, that was the illusion. I want you. That has always been the true," Jackson answered.

"I have always wanted you and I've always known that was the true. I just believed it was a one-way feeling. I just believed the lie you were telling yourself. I knew there were things that I couldn't fix. I knew that I had to move forward, no matter how hard. But it wasn't clear to me how to do it. I believed it was an unrequited love and believing that, I made the same mistake twice. Except that first time, you were able to stop me. This time it was up to me and it took me longer to fix it. So it wasn't only you, the one repeating the same mistake over and over."

While April was talking, Jackson wrapped his arm over her and he pulled her closer. He started caressing her back.

"Jackson," April said with a fake, polite smile and Jackson knew exactly what that meant. He sighed turning April's smile into a real one.

"Now you know how I felt. But that wasn't the point. You started a conversation," April said.

"And?"

"And we didn't finish it. We were talking like mature adults, recognizing our feelings, our mistakes and ignoring the elephant in the room. And I don't mean to disappoint you but there's no actual elephant here. I meant Robert."

"What about Robert?"

"Exactly. What about him? You told me he took a job on your working place. What had he told you?"

"Well, it turned out that I wasn't only ignoring the elephant in this room. I ignored it back at my working place."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you sure you wanna know? I don't want to disappoint you either. We could just get back to what we were doing."

"I'm serious," April said and Jackson sighed.

"How serious? Like "absolutely not" serious or "I could be convinced" serious?" Jackson asked and April bit her lip, shaking her head.

"Just tell me. After all this time and after everything that we went through, we love each other. I believe we can survive whatever you have to tell me."

"I didn't speak to him. I avoided him intentionally."

"Why? You didn't want to hear that he was there for you, because he wanted to have a relationship with his son?"

"You don't know that."

"Please! You said it yourself back them, he was happy, happy without you. He didn't need to move unless he did it for you."

"It's kind of late now."

"Well, if you had actually believed there are expiration dates for relationships, you wouldn't have come all this way for me."

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because we had always loved each other, even if we couldn't recognize it or even if we didn't know how to make it work."

"Well, maybe if you had talked to him, he could have told you that he had always loved you too. And maybe time passed and he thought he didn't have a right to push his feelings at you, who had never needed him."

"So because we have a second chance at love, I should give him a second chance at being a father?" Jackson asked.

"I don't think this is our second chance at love." April said while putting her clothes back on.

"What do you mean? Aren't you giving us a chance?" Jackson asked, standing up.

"I mean I've lost the count of our chances at love. Of course I'm giving us as many chances as it takes. I want this. I love you. We'll always be something worth fighting for. I don't regret anything. I'm not sorry I love you. I'm not sorry I didn't know how to move on. I just don't want to keep pretending I'm something I'm not. I don't want those barriers I used to protect myself anymore. Love isn't something that needs barriers. I can't be my true self with those barriers. If that means I'm going to get hurt, I don't care. Those barriers couldn't keep me safe anyways."

"Are you going somewhere?" Jackson asked when she had all her clothes on.

"Yeah, I'm going to my parent's house. Aren't you coming?"

"I thought we were on the middle of something," Jackson said while walking closer to her.

April started walking backwards.

"You are still wet. My clothes are dry. Don't!" April said but Jackson caught her in his arms.

"Can we just continue what we were doing?" Jackson said while rubbing his nose on hers.

April rubbed her nose through his cheek and told him to his ear "Why not?"

And freeing herself from his embrace, she told him "We can continue our conversation on our way home. You should considerer listening to what Robert has to say. Because you are avoiding him to protect yourself. Because he can say something or do something that will touch your wounds, wounds you prefer to deny but that you actually have." and she started walking.

"Do we have to go back?" Jackson asked as he was walking interlacing hands with her.

"You said it yourself. My family is waiting for us. You should change your clothes. I should call Matthew. I have a lost call from Arizona so I need to return it if I appreciate my life. I need to take my meds and I'm starving! Also you're still finding ways to avoid talking about your father."

"Now that I think about it, there're things that I haven't told you yet."

"There's more?" April asked. How many ways did he had to avoid Robert?

"Matthew is with your parents now. We came together."

"That's… I… How is he? How come he didn't tell me?" April asked, thinking in the last message she got from him.

"He's fine considering everything he went through. He's stronger than he thinks."

"That's… surprising, coming from you. What else are you hiding?"

"Well, I could tell you about Matthew and Maggie."

"Or we could try to have an actual conversation about your father?"

"You never quit, do you?" Jackson asked showing how annoying the subject was for him.

"You already know the answer. If you keep avoiding him, I'll think you're here not for me but to avoid him…" April said half kidding but it actually made sense to her.

"That's not fair. I came here for you."

"And you are planning to return sometime soon to Seattle?"

"I asked Bailey for a week off. I thought maybe we could go back together as a family."

"So you had a plan…" April said surprised.

"I had a wish."

"That's not fair. You keep avoiding the subject. I loved you. I love you. I've hurt you, just like Robert has. And this has nothing to do with love, cause I know you love me. But how could you expect me to believe that you've actually forgiven me when you can't even listen to what he has to say?"

"Please. Let's stop this. Why do you care so much about him?" Jackson asked her.

"I care about YOU! And this is clearly hurting you and it'll keep hurting you until you've truly forgiven him. I don't care about him. This isn't about him. It's about you leaving the past in the past and forgiving him, not because he deserves it but because you deserve to be happy. And if you can't see it maybe you shouldn't have come here," April said feeling frustrated about everything.

"Why are you making this about us?"

"Because it was me! I left you and when I decided to come back, you couldn't forgive me. And we both suffered because of it. Because of what I did. Can't you see that you told me about it because it was actually about us? Can't something good come out from all our suffering? Did we even learn something from it? Can't we just stop repeating the same mistakes? Can't we just stop creating unnecessary suffering?"

"I hate that we're already fighting. You're right. I shouldn't have come. I need time," he told her and placing a kiss on her forehead, he started running towards her parents' house, leaving April with more questions than answers.


	14. Chapter 14 Being less judgmental

**Ch. 14 – Being less judgmental**

 _"We will never be enlightened unless we realize and own what our capacity, from the best of the best to the worst of the worst because then we have more empathy, more compassion, more sympathy for others who do things that are hurtful and harmful and we see, given certain situations, I'm capable of that myself. So, I'm less judgmental."_

― _Elisabeth Kubler-Ross_

Matthew had received an audio from Maggie and he went outside to hear it. They had been in contact after what they had gone through. He sat under the shadow of a tree and listened to it.

"Hi Matthew! How is Ruby? What about you and your arm? Have you figure out how you are? This place is amazing. I'm sending you some photos. I'm enjoying my time with Richard. We're on a small town on the Camino. We're staying with Mark and his granddaughter Mellie. The food here is amazing. I don't know if you will be able to answer the _how you are_ question, but I hope once I contact you again, you'll have your answer. I'm really happy here. I sent a message to Mer. She deserved to know the reason of my sudden change. I hope this is just the start as you've told me. I want to believe. Getting out of my comfort zone had turned out to be great. After all we went through, I feel so alive. In fact, I'm thinking of staying in Europe. Maybe I'll ask for a job at Klausman Isntitute for Medical Research, in Zurich. Cristina Yang is the Director of Cardiothoracic Surgery and I'd love to work with her."

Maggie's plans surprised Matthew. He was worried she was running away, once again. But maybe the fact that she had talked to Mer was a good sign, right? He thought it through before replying.

"Hi Maggie! I'm happy for you. Meredith was really worried about you. And yes, maybe doing the Camino de Santiago it's getting out of your comfort zone. I don't know how many paths have you walked before but I know it's never the same. They say you're not the same person when you do this kind of journey. It changes you. Exactly like what they say about labyrinths. And spending this time with Richard, I know it's also something out of your comfort zone as it is having faith. Changing jobs and moving may be getting out of the comfort zone for most of people, but as you have told me, you're an expert at starting anew. So be sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not because of your learned behavior. I do believe that in your case, getting out of your comfort zone should be the opposite of running away and starting anew. Maybe something like forgiving, staying and giving people second chances. I know it'd be something you'll figure out on your way. I can't wait to talk with the Maggie that have walked the Camino of Santiago."

His conversation with her made him think of labyrinths and how that was how people who couldn't travel did their pilgrimage. He loved labyrinths but it had really been a long time since the last one he walked through one. While he was thinking about this, he saw Jackson running to the house. He was alone. He was smiling so it couldn't be anything bad.

Jackson came inside the house. Karen was there with Joe taking care of the kids.

"What happened?" Karen asked.

"I should have fixed something before asking April to give me a chance. So I'll try to fix it now," Jackson said while looking for his phone. Once he found it, he called Bailey.

…

Bailey was in her office with Robert, he came to ask her about his son's schedule. He wanted to talk to him and he had heard a rumor that he had taken some time off.

"He did in fact take a week off," Bailey confirmed.

"Was if because of me?" Robert asked.

"Well, he wasn't happy about the news but he didn't take the week off to run away from you. It was more about running after something."

"Are you sure? I wasn't expecting him to welcome me with open arms but I don't want him to leave the job he loves for me. So if he needs me not appear at this hospital anymore, tell him I can do that."

"You came all the way here and you're ready to leave? Never mind. I don't care. He didn't leave for you. At least not to my knowledge. Now, I'm a very busy woman and what happens between you and Dr. Avery is not on my schedule, so if there's nothing more you would like to talk about…" Bailey said and Robert stood up ready to leave.

Before he could actually leave, Bailey's phone started ringing. When her phone started ringing. "You gotta be kidding me," she said when she saw the caller ID. "I have to answer this, but don't leave just yet."

"Miranda Bailey, Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital Chief of Surgery speaking."

"Hi Dr. Bailey. So now it's not a good moment to talk?" Jackson asked.

"No, please talk. I always have time for Dr. Unproblematic. It's the least you deserve," Bailey said.

"Great. Thank you," Jackson answered deliberately ignoring Bailey's sarcasm, "I need to ask you for a favor. I need to talk to Robert and I don't have his number so I was thinking that maybe if he's working today, you could bring your phone to him," Jackson said and Bailey laughed.

"I'm sorry. Don't you know what Chief of Surgery mean? It means I'm your boss not your secretary."

"I know. That's why I said I was asking for a favor. Don't worry, I'll ask someone else."

"You don't need to. I'm doing you this favor. And as I'm being your messenger, you could be mine. Tell her that whenever she wants, she can have her job back. And a pay raise."

"Who are you talking about?" Jackson asked confused.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. I want her back as much as Ben wants to tell the people he sends to us, that she's working here and that they can't do any better than that. I just can't believe you had the nerve to go for her after all this time. Maybe it runs on the family," Bailey said and before Jackson could process it, Bailey told Robert "Take the phone, Robert. It's a call for you."

"Hello?" Robert said and for a moment, there was no answer. How did Bailey do that? How did she know he was there for April?

Just moments before April was comparing herself to Robert, and now Bailey was comparing him to his father.

"Hello?" Robert said again and Jackson finally came back from his thoughts.

"Hello. It's Jackson. I saw you the other day at the hospital and Bailey told me you were working there. It doesn't make sense. A year ago, I went to find you and you're there now. Why are you at Seattle?"

"If you allow me to, I want to be part of your life. That's the short answer to your question. I'm here for you. I know it took me a lot of time and I don't expect you to just forgive me for not being there. Believing you wouldn't want me there make me lost a lot of time. You deserved a better dad. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this back in Montana when you gave me the chance. Maybe you can tell me where you are, and we could talk. I believe your boss wants her phone back."

"I'm at Columbus, Ohio. Is your offer still on?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah. Of course. I could be there tomorrow, if that's ok for you," Robert said all excited.

"Give me your number and I'll send you my location. Do you like fishing?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Great," Jackson said and they exchanged numbers.

…

A while after Jackson left, April's phone started ringing. It couldn't be him, right? She checked her phone and it was Arizona so she answered right away.

"Hi Arizona!" April said.

"Hi!" Arizona said and anyone could hear in her voice that she was worried, "How are you?"

"I don't know how I am," April said thinking in what had just happened, "but I'm sure I'm going to be fine."

"I should have known. I wanted to believe it so much when you told me you were in love with Matthew. It was comforting knowing that a new normal was possible for you and that you could be happy about it."

"I know. I wanted to believe that too. It did seem like a way of redemption. I wanted him and Ruby to be fine. I wanted to do something for them. I wanted to be fine. Why would our paths cross once again? I wanted to make sense from all that pain. I wanted to see signs so I saw all the wrong ones. I thought that was what was meant to be although there was a voice inside that was telling me otherwise."

"And now, what about now? How are you and Matthew?"

"We don't regret divorcing. He felt exactly the same way. He was still in love with Karin. We are still friends. He is supposed to be at my parents' house, according to Jackson."

"Jackson? How could he know that when you are the one at your parents' house?"

"Today the two of them arrived together. I haven't seen Matthew, but Jackson came to find me," April said and Arizona realized right away that there was more to it.

"You're gonna have to elaborate more on that. What does it mean he came to find you?"

"He came for me. He loves me and he wants us back. We could have a new old normal."

"You don't sound really excited about it. Is he there with you?"

"It's complicated," she said and then she told Arizona everything that happened that day since meeting Jackson.

…

Matthew received another audio from Maggie.

"I won't run away from what you told me. You're right. I'm used to starting anew. And you know about it because I told you so. And you're being really a good friend, worrying about me and giving me advice. You're a natural at this, while I'm probably not. However, there's something you haven't told me that I know about you. You don't talk about yourself. Maybe you could get out of your comfort zone and stop avoiding my questions. Tell me anything. Share. In less than three months you have lost your wife, you have divorced and you were shot. I'm sure talking won't hurt you. I get it if you don't want to talk to me, but at least tell me you're talking to someone. You're not the only one that gets to worry about strangers."

Matthew knew Maggie was right. He was avoiding answering how he was. He still didn't know for sure the answer. He decided to do something that used to help him. He was thinking how he could walk a labyrinth when there wasn't any around, when he saw Jackson leaving the house. Once again, he was running. The only difference was this time he was carrying a basket with him.

…

April was lying on the grass, talking to Arizona.

"I want to kill him if that's ok with you. Why do I feel that I am more upset about this than you?" Arizona asked her.

"Did I talk you about my pills? They are that good," April said.

"They can't be that good."

"Believe me, they are. I know I should be upset but after everything that happened in my life, I am happy we have a chance. It would scare me more if we weren't fighting. I don't want to be always avoiding a fight cause it can break us. I'd rather trust us."

"So you're embracing a healthier philosophy where problems and conflicts are seen as growing opportunities?"

"Wow. That's too deep. But yeah. I was thinking something more of the kind of that movie. _I'd rather fight with him than make love with anyone else._ And I mean it," April said.

"What about making love with me?" Jackson asked after hearing April.

April brought her hands to her chest.

"For the love of God, you need to stop scaring the hell out of me," she said.

"Who are you talking to?" Jackson asked while sitting on the grass, next to her.

"Arizona," April said.

"Is Jackson there? Let me talk to him," Arizona said.

"She wants to talk with you," April said while giving him the phone.

"Hurt her again and I'll have to kill you. Got it?" Arizona asked.

"Clear and loud," Jackson said.

"Now let me say goodbye to my friend," Arizona said and Jackson gave the phone back to April.

"I love you. Let me know if I need to kill him. Bye."

"I love you too. Bye," April said and as she hung the phone, she rolled to face him, pushing herself up on an elbow and reclining her head on her arm.

"Do you need more time?" April asked.

"No, I fixed it. Now we have all the time in the world. Well, not all the time of the world but we have all the time we need."

"What do you mean? What did you fix?"

"I went back to your parents' house so that we don't need to go back, at least not right now. Your family is not waiting for us. My clothes are no longer wet. You had talked with Arizona. I brought your meds and food," he said while pointing at the basket, "Your mother is really a life saver. And I'm no longer avoiding talking about my father. In fact, I called him. He's coming here tomorrow."

April couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Why?" she asked.

"Why did I call him? Because I want to move on. I want to leave the pain behind. Because I heard what you said. Because I was just like him and I don't want to keep on paying for that mistake and neither should him," Jackson said.

"You weren't like him. You're a great father."

"I didn't have his number so I talked with Bailey first. And she pointed out how I had done the same thing he did, coming after you after so long. I hurt you and even when I wanted to be back with you, I didn't believe I deserved it. So I didn't act on my feelings and I believed all the lies I told myself to avoid the pain. You weren't him. You weren't the one needing a second chance. It was me. All my life all I tried to do was not to be like him and somehow I became what I most feared. So, how could I judge him? How could I not give him another chance when you are giving me one?"

"Bailey is the smartest woman ever."

"I know. She asked me to tell you that whenever you want it, you can have your job back and a pay raise."

"I do miss my job," April said.

"I miss working with you," Jackson said.

"You miss me on the O.R. or in the on-call rooms?"

"Both. Definitely both."

April placed herself over him and kissed him. Jackson couldn't believe how lucky he was.

"I thought you were hungry," he said.

"I'm hungry, but right now dessert is more tempting. What about you?" April whispered in his ear and then looked into his eyes. She didn't need to hear his answer.

"I want you," Jackson said as he sat up to kiss her.

April slid her hands underneath his T-shirt and raised it off with his help. She trailed kisses from his ear to his collarbone while he was unbuttoning her shirt.

…

Matthew created a labyrinth on the grass using stones, branches and leaves. Once it was done, he knew that he didn't need to walk it. He had reached what he wanted in the making process. Nevertheless, he walked each step as a destination itself. When he reached the middle, he sat there just breathing, watching his thoughts, trying not to judge. It wasn't easy. We always tend to judge ourselves harder than anyone else in the world. After a while, he actually felt grateful and before standing up, he prayed, not asking for anything but only thanking. He then started walking his way out.

When he had completed the labyrinth, he finally had an answer for Maggie.

"You are right. I was avoiding your questions, but that was only because I was avoiding me. I needed to look inside to find an answer and I was scared of what I could find. But I did it and yes, there were some nasty thoughts. I have to thank you for encouraging myself to confront my fears. I'm better than before. You made me remember there's a place where I can always find bliss. And now that I feel more on my center, I need to cover my baby in kisses. You have also been a good friend."

Once he sent the message, he started walking towards the house but Maggie answered before he could reach it.

"I'm glad you're better and I know exactly what you mean about what you could find when you're alone with your mind. Until not so long ago, that was me too," Maggie said in her message and before the message was over, Matthew heard at the back a woman shouting "Maggie!" with despair. That was how the message ended, leaving Matthew with the doubt about what happened.

He waited a few minutes just in case Maggie send him another message. He wrote her asking what happened. But that was it. He couldn't do anything but wait, so he finally entered the house and went directly to take Ruby into his arms.


	15. Chapter 15 Enjoying the dream

**Ch. 15 – Enjoying the dream**

" _God is life. God is life in action. The best way to say, "I love you, God," is to live your life doing your best. The best way to say, "Thank you, God," is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and now. Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now."_

― _Don Miguel Ruiz_

Jackson and April were naked, lying on their backs on the grass, together, looking up at the sky, breathing heavily as they recovered. Their clothes were all around them, on the ground.

"That was really great," April said.

"That was really…"

"Yeah, that was…"

"You were great," Jackson said.

"About what you asked before, I'd rather make love with you than fight you. Although I do love fighting you," April said.

"I hate fighting you."

"That's because I'm always right," April said and Jackson made an angry face that made her laugh.

"I'm tired."

"I'm hungry."

"Hungry, hungry?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah. Hungry, hungry."

"Great! I'm starving too."

April went for the basket her mother had prepared for them and then sat near Jackson. While she was checking the basket contents, he looked for her clothes and covered her with her shirt. It was starting to get cold, so they both got dressed.

After eating, they got back to the house. They found Kimmie sitting in the middle of what seemed like a labyrinth.

"You did this? It's beautiful," April said.

Kimmie turned around to look at them.

"Jackson," she said, looking bad at him.

"Kimmie. Nice to see you."

"I guess it was your ex-husband, Matthew not you Jackson. When I heard you were here, I thought I could hurt you, but looking at you two right now… Are you giving him a second chance?"

"I am" April said.

"I didn't get the chance to ask you this when you married Matthew, so I have to take the chance and ask you now. Are you sure you are not stumbling twice with the same stone?" Kimmie asked.

"You realize I'm still here?" Jackson asked.

"This is a conversation between sisters," Kimmie said.

"I'm not stumbling twice with the same stone. Just remember the you from the time I eloped with him and you'll understand that maybe I'm making a mistake but I'm definitely not stumbling with the same stone. He's not the same, just as I'm not the same and you're not the same. Exactly like what you said about me and high school, right?" April asked.

"I get it. The only thing that didn't change is the fact that you are too good for him. Hurt her again and I'll have no mercy."

"I guess I deserve that," Jackson said.

"Shall we go inside now?" April asked.

"Of course, your nephews are waiting for their Aunt April and their uncle Jackson. I'll stay in the labyrinth a little longer and you two can go and explain to my kids that just because you're back together, it doesn't mean their parents are going to do the same."

"I think I want to walk the labyrinth," Jackson said.

"Me too," April said and Kimmie laughed.

Kimmie stood up and taking Jackson and April by the hand, she said "Let's go inside. Everyone is waiting for you. It can't be that bad, right?"

And it wasn't that bad, at least not after a while. Karen and Joe had already shared the news beforehand to make it easier for them, although they didn't exactly knew how April would answer to Jackson.

April caught up with Mathew. She couldn't believe everything he went through while they were apart. Jackson invited Joe and Matthew to go fishing with him and Robert. Ruby and Harriet were going with them. Meanwhile April was going to high school with Kimmie.

Jackson for the first time expressed his will to lead the family in prayer. Everyone was surprised yet trying not to make it seem like a big deal. But it was a big deal, especially for April who just a day before wouldn't have dare to even dream this could actually happen. She felt Jackson's word in her heart as he was thanking the Lord for the chance to be sharing this meal all together as a family, for their forgiveness, for second chances and for their faith.

After they ate dinner, Jake, one of Kimmie's sons, suggested they all went to see the night sky. It was something April used to do with her sisters.

"Who's bringing the guitar?" Alice asked.

"Me" said Chris, Jake's brother.

"Aunt could you do the bagpipes thing?" Jake asked.

"What's the bagpipes thing?" Jackson asked April while wrapping his arms around her waist.

"You don't know? I thought I did that in the hospital when… Never mind, you don't know," April said remembering the time she ate those cookies. Suddenly she felt the urge to tell Cristina the news, so she pick her phone and send her a message.

"Did you sent Cristina an emoji of a cookie?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah, I did," she said and Jackson kept staring at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he finally asked her.

"It means I have a Jackson Avery."

"I don't know if I should feel flattered or offended," he said.

"I think you should feel lucky," Kimmie said interrupting.

"Is everyone ready?" Libby asked trying to ease the mood and everyone followed her outside.

Jackson walked side to side with April, while Harriet was in Alice's arms.

"Every time I'm here I understand why you always wanted a big family."

"Really? I've always thought it was the opposite. We're kind of a mess. I don't know. I thought you wouldn't want to marry into this family."

"Well, I'm kind of the expert in family dysfunctions and your family is not a mess. You should be the one thinking about not wanting to marry into my family. I know I wouldn't want to," Jackson said.

"That doesn't explain why you dated your step-sister," Kimmie said.

"How come you always do that?" Jackson asked.

"It's a gift, April can do the bagpipes and I got this," Kimmie said smiling.

"Kimmie has a perfect ear," April said.

"Mom! Look at the stars!" Chris said and Kimmie walked towards him.

"I love how even when he gets to see this sky almost every day, he doesn't take it for granted," April said.

"He's a wise little man. The view here is breathtaking," Jackson said while staring at April, not the stars.

"Stop it!" April said hitting his arm.

Once they reached the spot, they sat in a circle in some logs on the ground.

"Welcome to my inner circle" April said jokingly to Jackson.

As soon as Harriet was left on the ground, she ran to April's arms.

"Hi sweetie!" April said as Harriet sat on her lap.

Kimmie sat next to Matthew.

"Can I hold her?" Kimmie asked.

"Are you sure?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah. But you'll have to play the guitar. Chris gave the guitar to Matthew," Kimmie said as Matthew gave Ruby to her.

"Kimmie can be nice whenever she wants to," Jackson said to April seeing her with Matthew.

"Of course she's nice. She's also very protective of her sisters."

"What are we singing?" Alice asked.

Everyone's eyes turned to Matthew who started playing the guitar. They sang "O Come, All Ye Faithful" and Jackson was fascinated by the scene. He couldn't tell what was so special about the moment but there was something magical about it.

"I know I've heard you all singing before but there was something different," Jackson said.

"Of course it's different. It's not only a song anymore, because you've faith now," April told him.

They sang four songs and then decided to go back as it was running late. Harriet was already asleep and Jackson had to carry her in his arms.

When they arrived, they said goodbye to April's sisters and nephews. Karen had a room prepared for Matthew and Ruby, and another one for Jackson, April and Harriet.

When Jackson entered the room where they were sleeping, she placed Harriet in the center of the bed.

"It's the first time we're going to share the same bed with Harriet," Jackson said.

"Oh! I thought you were sleeping on the bathroom," April kidded.

"Very funny," he said while leaning to kiss her.

"I'm going to sleep like a log tonight," April said while changing clothes.

"I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep at all," Jackson said.

"Are you anxious about tomorrow? I had a pill for that, but I'm not sharing."

"Yes. I'm nervous. Today was pretty intense too," he said but there was no answer. April had already fallen asleep. Jackson turned the light off and went to bed. He stared at Harriet and April, sleeping next to him and he felt blessed. It wasn't only that his father was coming tomorrow, everything surrounding him felt like a dream and maybe he was scared of waking up.


	16. Chapter 16 Is this fair?

**Ch. 16 – Is this fair?**

" _How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is thousands of times. The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough; we don't need to do it again. But every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again. If we have a wife or husband he or she also reminds us of the mistake, so we can judge ourselves again, punish ourselves again, and find ourselves guilty again. Is this fair?"_

― _Miguel Ruiz_

Jackson woke up alone in bed. For a moment, the day before seemed like a dream. But he recognized the place where he was and he remembered that he didn't spend the night alone. He changed his clothes and went downstairs. He heard voices in the kitchen. When he entered the room, his father was talking with April's dad, while holding Harriet in his arms. It felt a little odd. April, her mom and Matthew where there too.

"Good morning!" April said, reaching Jackson to kiss him.

"Good morning", he said.

"Robert was telling us the hospital's gossip. The nurses are saying that Matthew and Maggie are a thing apparently, and that we're back together. They got the last part right", April told Jackson.

After breakfast, Jackson accompanied April to the door. She was going to high school.

"Good luck with the teenagers," Jackson said.

"Good luck with your father. And I strongly suggest you speak alone with him before going fishing, because my father's boat it's nothing like your yacht," April said.

"I know that", Jackson said making a funny face.

"Ok. See you later."

"Later."

While Jackson was watching April leave, Robert approached him.

"Can we talk?" he asked Jackson.

"Of course. That's why we're here, right?" Jackson said feeling less confident than he sounded.

They sat on the porch and Jackson finally asked him "What are you doing at GSM?"

"I wasn't expecting anything from you in my life. But you came looking for me. And it took me by surprise. I was happy to see you and looking backwards, I was such a fool that day. I didn't know how to behave with you. I became used to being just Robert, not a dad, but just Robert. I still don't know how to do it right. I'm old and out of practice and I know you don't need me at all, but I can promise you I'm willing to try my best if you're willing to bear with me. I'm completely aware that I have failed you when you needed me the most. When I left you, I was completely sure it wasn't forever, you know? I lied to myself and told myself than I would explain it to you once you were older. Then time passed and every time the idea of going to find you came to my mind, my fears took the best of me. Why would he listen to me? Why would he want me there? How could he not hate me? Those questions haunted me every time harder until I stopped hoping. I accepted we were not going to see each other again and I convinced myself that it was the best for us. But it wasn't. You made me face that fact when you came to Montana and I couldn't shake that idea over my head anymore. The same excuses kept coming up but I knew the biggest mistake I could make was not even trying. So I came to face you and your answer. Whether you decide you hate me or you want things to stay how they were and give me the same treat I've given you all this years, I'm here for you and your answer. I'll pay for my mistake for the rest of my life. I'm prepared for that. The time I lost, I can never get it back."

"Let's stop paying for mistakes. I'm sure you had paid enough for it. We can't change the past or recover the lost time, so the only thing left to do, it's to enjoy the time we have. Maybe we can bond over that time or maybe we can't. The only thing sure is that we had suffered enough for it. Let's try to leave the pain behind, to have some kind of closure or whatever," Jackson told Robert.

"You have a beautiful family. April and Harriet are amazing."

"Even if I would never leave Harriet, I almost made a mistake I could regret all my life, just like you. I was losing precious time with them. And I think that was some kind of waking call but also a reminder that sometimes we're just too scared to live the life we want. To chase what we love. It's easier to believe we're not worth it, that we're not gonna make it, that we're just going to suffer more. Therefore, we decide to avoid the pain and keep on living. I've done that and I think it makes it easier for me to understand you just a little better. Are you planning to stay in Seattle?"

"Yes. If you'd give me a chance, I'd love to stay."

"Great."

While Jackson was talking to his father, Matthew finally got a call from Maggie.

"Hi Maggie! Is everything ok?" Matthew asked.

"Kind of. I think life is finally catching up with me, you know? Mark's heart is failing and he doesn't have a lot of time. Mellie isn't accepting the fact that there's nothing more to be done. Richard had told them I was some kind of Cardio Queen and she's insisting I should operate on him. This is definitely not what I was expecting to find on the Camino. What about you?"

"Today I'm going fishing with April's dad, Harriet, Ruby, Jackson and his dad. I couldn't even have imagined this on my dreams. So, could you operate on him?" Matthew asked.

"I could. But this isn't about me. I've learned that the hard way. I used to be like Mellie when I found my mother had cancer. I kept pushing her and all her doctors to keep trying and trying. I couldn't listen to what she wanted. I was selfish and mean when she was dying. Mark has had a precious life and he's ready to leave whenever his time is. He doesn't want to suffer anymore. He doesn't want any surgery. He wants to be home. He wants to leave on his own terms. I respect that. I mean it's easy for me to respect his wishes, but it wasn't easy when I was in Mellie's place, thinking about losing my mother. I was just like her when my mother didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to lose her. So, I can't tell her how to act. I can't be that hypocrite."

"I didn't know about your mother."

"Yeah. She died a few years ago. Jackson was her doctor back them and I behaved like a fool. With him, with my mother, with almost everyone."

"You can relate with her then. You don't need to tell her how to act but you can tell her your experience with your mother. Let her know that she isn't alone. You haven't tell me her age or anything about her family except from Mark. When you lost your mother, you had a support system; you had your sister, your friends."

"You're seriously very good at this. Have you considered a change in your career? I can see you working as a counselor."

Matthew laughed.

"I was serious", Maggie said.

"Sorry. It's just that as what you said before, I couldn't be that hypocrite. My life is a freaking mess."

"Just picture yourself as an observer of your own life and think about what advice you could give to this person who just happens to be you. That sounded better on my mind."

"Let me know how your talk with Mellie goes and I'll let you know what advice Matthew gives me."

"It's a deal", Maggie said.

After getting everything ready, Joe drove to the lake. Jackson appreciated April's advice. There was barely space for all of them on the boat. They had a nice time there. The weather was excellent and the girls locked adorable with their life jackets.

Jackson couldn't help but asking Joe if he used to go fishing with his daughters and Joe told them every funny story there was to share. Matthew was listening to them while holding Ruby who was already asleep. Robert was surrounded by good dads and that made him feel like shit. Jackson noticed how Harriet went to sit with his dad.

"Somehow, you're great with kids", Jackson said.

"That's odd, isn't it? I think Harriet is the most sociable kid ever."

"Maybe you're right", Jackson said.

"I don't think I fit in this boat," Robert said.

"Bullshit, there's space for everyone here," Joe said.

"It's not about space. He thinks we're all some kind of super dad figures while he's not. Will it make you feel better if we tell you how we're not that great? Anyways, if anyone shouldn't be here, I think it's me. You're family," Matthew said.

"Of course not. There stronger bonds than blood", Robert said.

Jackson's fishing line caught something and in the spur of the moment, Harriet almost fall into the lake. Luckily, Robert prevented it. They spent a beautiful time after that. Joe started talking about all the times the Kepner sisters were in danger despite him being present. They fished enough for dinner and decided to go back home.

When they were driving to the house, they passed in front of the Reynolds's house. No one noticed the event. They didn't know them but Kevin, their only son, was in the class where April was speaking that day. The house was now empty. Kevin left the house in the morning with a gun in his backpack. Just a few minutes before, his parents left the house in a rush after receiving a call from the school. A call that changed their lives.


	17. Chapter 17 How to save a life

**Ch. 17 – How to save a life**

" _She has taught me about courage, about taking a leap no matter what anyone else says. She has taught me about resilience. She was fired twice and then came back twice with her whole heart ready to throw herself into whatever was put in front of her with no resentment or anger. She lived through unspeakable pain and fought to heal not only herself but her marriage as well. She was beautifully flawed and unapologetic about needing to work through her pain in whatever way was necessary. I admire her courage. I admire her fighting spirit. I admire her ability to speak her mind regardless of what people think of her. And I admire her compassion and empathy."_

― _Sarah Drew_

The Reynolds were hugging each other, thanking God that the three of them were together and alive. Richard, Kevin's dad, realized in that moment that he didn't need a gun to protect his family. Kevin was at peace knowing he had the courage to ask for help, the courage to share his pain. Kim, Kevin's mom, was thanking for whatever help her son change his mind. She didn't know she was thanking April, just as April didn't know how much she had helped Kevin. What April did know and wanted to share with the students, was that you didn't need to be a surgeon to save a life. That sometimes things that seem so insignificant compared to a surgery, can be life changing. Kind words, a hug, a smile, respect, empathy and so many ways of showing people that their life matter, that they are love worthy.

…

When April and her sister arrived home, dinner was ready. Jackson kissed April.

"How was your day?" Jackson asked.

"I still feel excited! It was amazing. Kids were so invested" April said.

"That's cause she did amazing. She made it personal. The students identified with her and they recognized in themselves that urge she has to save lives. In fact, they are all excited about writing an essay on how to save a life. They experienced how we are all connected and they understood the importance of each of us in that connection. I'm proud of her", Kimmie said.

"That sounds like something April would do, going beyond expectations and saving lives", Jackson said.

"It wasn't an O.R. I didn't save anyone. It was just a nice experience", April said.

"I believe I'm the living proof that April Kepner can save a life outside an O.R.", Jackson said.

"You're being over the top. Let's change the subject. How was your day, Dr. Avery?" April asked.

"It was a good day. I can only think of one thing that could make it better. Will you be my wife?" Jackson said leaving everyone astonished. Jackson himself was astonished, he hadn't planned to do it but it felt right.

April eyes became as wide as that time when Jackson stood up at her wedding. He made it again. She wasn't expecting a proposal but again it wasn't the first time she had no idea what Jackson was thinking. Nothing made sense. She married the man she left at the altar less than a month ago and now her ex-husband was proposing to her, in front of her family. What would everyone say? Could she take a leap and throw herself into this with her whole heart without fearing about their future? Could she be this happy while working through her pain? She had to say to herself "stop". She was being anxious again. _Just breathe._ Despite all the noises around her, once her mind stopped moving from thought to thought, she found her answer in her heart.

"I'm giving happiness every chance I can. Yes!" April answered and everyone around them started celebrating as the two kissed.

"I love you", Jackson told April.

"Do you think this time we can be present in your wedding?" Kimmie asked.

"Can I be the ring bearer?" Chris asked.

"Can we all sing a song like the other day?" Jake asked.

"Can we be your bridesmaids this time?" Alice asked.

"You should marry while you're here. We can arrange mom's wedding dress", Libby said.

"Wait a minute. When is this wedding happening?" April dared to ask.

"Tomorrow is going to be a nice day", Joe said.

"You too, dad?" April asked.

"I still have five days off, maybe we can go on a short honeymoon," Jackson said looking at April.

"It seems that you all have everything figured out. I like the idea of leaving everything in your hands. That's kind of new to me. I'll do my best trying not to interfere," April said.

"Are you serious?" Karen asked and April nodded.

"Ok, people we have a wedding to plan! But first let's eat. Dinner is ready!" Karen said and Jackson recognized some of Karen's traits on April.

…

After dinner, Matthew called Maggie and told her the happy news.

"Finally! I have some news too. I opened up with Mellie. It worked, just as you said. She shared her worries with me and I was there for her. I talked with Mark also, and he shared me his worries and we talked about Mellie's future. It felt great, knowing I could be of help. It made me think in my mother and it changed the way I see some things. Thank you for your advice!" Maggie said.

"That's great to hear!" Matthew said.

"So, what about you? Something personal to share?" Maggie asked, thinking in their last conversation.

"I'm leaving after the wedding. I decided to start anew. I'm doing it your way this time," Matthew said.

"My way was running away. I hope you aren't doing that. I expect better things from you. That's why I'm trying your way here. What do you mean by starting anew exactly?" Maggie asked.

"I'm kind of taking your advice. Before being a paramedic, I prepared myself to be a Chaplain but when I actually had to practice I felt I wasn't good enough. My life experience so far was … I don't know how to say it. I felt I couldn't give advice or a message of hope when I hadn't gone through anything as hard and painful as the people I wanted to help. Then I became a paramedic to help people in others ways. Now I think I'm ready to give a message of hope, to help people like me," Matthew said and there was no reply.

"Are you there, Maggie?" Matthew asked.

"I am. I'm sorry. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I think I know exactly where you should start anew. It's time for you to get out of your comfort zone. You're going to love it here," Maggie said.

"What do you mean?" Matthew asked.

"I mean I'm sending you and Ruby plane tickets! Do you believe in coincidences?" Maggie asked.

"I do not understand anything you're saying," Matthew said.

"Sorry! It just makes sense in my head. Mark, he is a Fire Chaplain here. One of his worries is that no one could replace him. You can finish your training with him and maybe work in the Fire Department as a paramedic if you want. I'm staying here and having a known face will be great! Think about it," Maggie said and this time Matthew was the one speechless.

"I don't know what to say. You are staying there?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, Richard is continuing his journey tomorrow. I'm staying here. I'll be Mellie's tutor until she becomes legally an adult," Maggie said.

"That's something big", Matthew said.

"I know. It's big for me. I used to run away from any kind of commitment. Mellie told me how she was scared that once her grandpa dies she would have to leave her home and… You know I came from a foster home. I was so lucky I had them. It feels like a way of returning all the love I was given. It was too big of a coincidence, don't you think? That I was here when they were going through this. That I met them when I was supposed to be on Seattle, directing the Cardiothoracic Surgery Department. I like to think that this is the way I can give a meaning to everything that leaded me here," Maggie said.

"I'm speechless. This journey have really changed you, haven't it?" Matthew asked.

"Yes! And you were a big part of it," Maggie said.

"If I say yes, you wouldn't use me to get a chance to run away again, would you?" Matthew asked.

"Wow! Look who is the mean one, twisting the knife in the wound now. I'd feel offended if I didn't know you. But I know better now than to take it personally. You're talking from your experience trusting people no matter what. I like that part of you, don't change it. If you want to change, take a leap and come here, out of your comfort zone to do the work you love. Let's talk again tomorrow, so you can think about it, ok? Good night Matthew!" Maggie said.

"Maggie, wait! I don't want to think about it. Yes!" Matthew said.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Are you serious? I'm taking your word and telling the news to Mark, so no regrets, please!" Maggie said with a big smile on her face, jumping for joy.

"I won't regret it. I promise," Matthew said.

"I can't believe it! I'm so happy! Thank you, thank you, thank you! See you soon. I have to tell Mark. Bye!" Maggie said and hung before Matthew could say goodbye.

Matthew was also smiling thinking in how everything changed so fast. Thinking how this journey had helped him as he had planned. Thinking how he did learn to keep trusting from April. Thinking how actually his journey was just about to start. He would have never imagined he was about to share a journey with Maggie Pierce but as she said, it couldn't just be a coincidence that they met, right?


	18. Chapter 18 Total eclipse of the heart

**Ch. 18 – Total eclipse of the heart**

" _The Universe kept pulling them together, just waiting for them to see that they were meant to be together."_

― _April Kepner_

The next day, Libby woke April up early. She was there with her dress and wanted to know if it fit her. April tried it on once Jackson left her room with Harriet.

"It's perfect!" April said.

"Great! My job is done. Kimmie is in charge of your hair and Alice of your make-up. Our nephews are in charge of your bucket and decoration. Don't worry! Mom is supervising everything. Now go for your breakfast before Kimmie and Alice arrive. Not wearing that, of course," Libby said.

Surprisingly, when April went downstairs, she found Catherine. Catherine hugged April as soon as she saw her. She had brought a tuxedo for Jackson.

"You were right honey, Kepner means something here. It was so easy to get here, everyone knows you people. What? You didn't think I'd lose your wedding this time, did you?" Catherine asked and April knew that it had to be her mother the one that told her the news. As a mother, Karen would think Jackson's mother should be here too. April was glad her mom was in charge of everything cause she might have forgotten to call her.

Jackson asked Catherine if there was any news from Richard.

"He's doing the Camino alone," Catherine said looking at Matthew.

"I thought Maggie went to find him," Jackson said.

"She did but she decided to stay at some point of the way," Catherine said.

"What do you mean by stay?" April asked.

"She found her place, I guess. We have a new holiday's spot. You will receive us there, right Matthew?" Catherine said and everyone looked at Matthew who had just spilled his drink.

"What does Catherine know that we don't?" April asked Matthew and he didn't have an option but to tell them everything.

"You should know that whenever you or Maggie feel homesick, we'll be here for you," April said with teary eyes. Matthew was following his path and she was so happy for him.

Alice and Kimmie arrived and after greeting everyone, Alice hugged April.

"Stop crying or I won't be able to do your make-up," Alice said.

"This has just started," Kimmie said, "Save some tears for later."

Alice and Kimmie had April busy for a couple of hours. They did an amazing job, from her toes to her hair.

"I'm lucky I'm sharing this with you this time," April said.

"We're the lucky ones!" Alice said.

"You look a lot like mom when she was younger," Kimmie said looking at April all dressed up for her wedding.

"It was nice having you around. I'm gonna miss you once you leave," Alice said.

"Maybe now that we didn't kill Jackson after all, you can come visit more often," Kimmie said.

"You can come to Seattle too," April said.

"We can, but it's easier when you own a jet," Alice said.

"I can't believe I'm doing this! It feels surreal," April said.

"Nothing was more surreal than you and Jackson running away. Remember to say 'I do' this time," Kimmie said.

Libby entered the room, looking like her sisters.

"Here is your bouquet. The kids did a great job! We should go, dad is already waiting for April," Libby said handing April the bouquet and leaving with their sisters so they could take their places.

April was surprised when she reached the aisle with his dad. The ceremony was taking place outside, where they sang the other day. There was more people than she imagined. Meredith, Jo, Bailey, Callie and Sofia were present. Arizona was with her sisters as a bridesmaid. Ben, DeLuca, Alex and Owen were the groomsmen.

Catherine chose Jackson's tuxedo well. He was making her heart beat fast. She couldn't believe that Robert and Catherine were this close because of them. Catherine was an amazing mom, like Karen who planned this in less than a day. Harriet was in Catherine's arms while Ruby was with Karen.

When the music started, April noticed his nephews were singing with someone that looked familiar.

"Is that the music teacher?" April asked her dad, before starting walking.

"Yes. You met him at the school, didn't you? He's dating Kimmie," Joe said and April dropped her jaw and her eyes grew wide. How could she be finding out this so late? She'd have to talk to Kimmie after the wedding.

The oddest part of the wedding, if anyone would ask, was Matthew officiating it. How crazy it was that she was walking down the aisle towards both her ex-husbands? No way, she could have ever imagined this would happen. Matthew was a great friend. The ceremony was beautiful and he managed not to make any joke about their past. When Matthew asked if the guests supported the marriage, Alex couldn't hide his laugh. Everyone rolled their eyes at him while Owen punched him in the arm. Karen's plan didn't considerer Alex's personality at all. "Alex will always be Alex," April thought.

Matthew asked the couple to say the vows.

"I don't know how I'm so lucky to be in front of you, my soulmate, to make the same promises I once did. You've never stopped trusting me or my promises and now I can say we've always been something worth fighting for. So now, I'm ready to fight side by side, with you for our family. I will launch a full-scale assault. I will ambush and slash and burn and fight until I am bloody for us. I will fight to the death because I vow to. And nothing could ever change that," Jackson said.

April was mesmerized by Jackson and everything they were living. She could see he meant every word, even though they used to be hers. This was truly happening. It wasn't a dream. It felt so different than their first wedding. They had failed before and still they were trying it again. She was sure this time they weren't gonna fail. April was walking into this marriage with more hope because she trusted they had learnt a lot along the way.

"I love you, Jackson. I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I want to spend every day together until we die and I'll follow you anywhere. Love makes you do crazy things. But this, you and me, that's not crazy. You're my best friend, my person. Everything makes sense when we're together. I can see now that we were always meant to be together," April said.

Matthew then pronounced them husband and wife. Jackson and April kissed while smiling, sharing their happiness with everyone present.

After the ceremony, there was a small party. April and Jackson thanked everyone involved cause everything was perfect because of them. April talked to Kimmie who introduced Evan, her boyfriend. After congratulating Jackson and April on their wedding, Bailey asked when they were coming back.

"I didn't say I was coming back," April said.

"Are you coming back?" Bailey asked.

"How could I say no to that significant pay raise?" April said.

"Good for you, cause you're worth it," Bailey said smiling.

They danced a lot that day and thousands photos were taken by those around them.

"Did you see the souvenirs?" Karen asked April who was getting near the table where they were.

"Mints to be," April said.

"Mints to be," Karen said.

"I love you, mom! Thank you for everything!" April said hugging her mother.

After saying goodbye to everyone, they got in the car Jackson had rented and the three of them started their short honeymoon. They were having a road trip. It was April's idea. She loved their ride to Lake Tahoe and she wanted to do something similar. Their honeymoon was simple, as their wedding. Jackson agreed but he promised to take her abroad as soon as they had a chance.

...

A year after they were celebrating their second first year anniversary, on a rented yacht on Lake Como. They were in Europe for Matthew and Maggie's wedding, so they took the chance to travel. They have been in France for their wedding and now they were doing a tour in Italy.

Maggie and Matthew were already on their honeymoon on Croatia. April still remembered with a smile her conversation with Maggie when she told her they were getting married.

"Matthew says we're not having sex until our wedding night. How serious is he?" Maggie asked her.

"I'm sorry Maggie. I think he's very serious," April answered containing her laugh.

April was happy for them. They looked so happy together. She hadn't seen Matthew as happy before.

April was with Harriet on the deck, they were sunbathing on the deck, both wearing a bikini and sunglasses. Jackson went to them with cold drinks and sunscreen. April bit her lip as she saw him coming. After all this time

"This place is magical," April said, while Jackson was helping her with the sunscreen.

"We should do this more often," Jackson said.

"Well, when this baby is born, we'll have the best excuse to visit them and travel," April said caressing her belly. Richard and Catherine were now living in the house next to Maggie's. So it wasn't only Jackson's sister, most of his family was now leaving abroad.

"This place is so peaceful," April said, "I could stay here forever."

"I can fix that," Jackson said joking with her.

"I'm sure so much peace can be bad for our heath," April said.

"You miss your anything but peaceful E.R., don't you?" Jackson asked.

"Not exactly, but I know I'll miss it," April said.

Soon enough she'll have to leave her job for her maternity leave. Of course, she'd miss her E.R., especially now that it was officially hers, now that she was head of department.

"Let's take a picture to for our family album," April said.

"I want to take it," Harriet said while taking Jackson's phone.

"Say cheese," Harriet said.

"Cheese!" they said smiling as Harriet captured that perfect moment forever.


End file.
